The Only, Great, Unique, Different, King, Miracle, Supernatural, Eccentric, the One and Only... or Just a Man!
The newest book dedicated to Michael Jackson is coming very soon! This reading is different from anything written about him. Something unique! Who and what does Michael represent? What do people think about him? Why is he loved? Then - why is he hated? Why is he judged? And - why is he whitewashed? What kind of person is he: what is his true essence? This book, attempting to offer an outsider perspective to all questions, is written by a person who does not know him in person, does not belong to his family and his close circle.... Now for the first time, you will get to know who Michael is for the ordinary people. You will be moved by their feelings, thoughts, and reflections on the man Michael.
Purchase this brand new book and enter a different world - the world of Michael. What is this reality built upon? You will learn about fame, loneliness, art, charity, children, family and finally, his death. All questions that moved you, trying to find the answer... The answer is right here!
If you love him - you will love him even more! If you hate him, your hate will transform into love! If you are indifferent to him - indifference will turn into admiration of his personality.
Only here, you can find information where to purchase this different book: Michael Jackson - the Man.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Michael Jackson - the Man
Chapter I
Fame and Michael Jackson
Chapter 2
Loneliness and Michael Jackson
Chapter 3
Art and Michael Jackson
Chapter 4
Heal the World and Michael Jackson
Chapter 5
Children and Michael Jackson
Chapter 6
Family and Michael Jackson
Chapter 7
Death and Michael Jackson
Fame and Michael Jackson
Chapter 2
Loneliness and Michael Jackson
Chapter 3
Art and Michael Jackson
Chapter 4
Heal the World and Michael Jackson
Chapter 5
Children and Michael Jackson
Chapter 6
Family and Michael Jackson
Chapter 7
Death and Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson - the Man
1958 - 2000 - 50 years - too many or too little? How can they pass in terms of experience? How does each of us live them? Perhaps, the right answer is "in unique and different way" or may be - "in the same way" - people have a lot in common. What kind of man was Michael: one of us or the most distinguishable person ever? Is there a person in this world who truly knew him? Moreover, is there another man on this planet who lived like him?
Questions, questions, questions....each person finds different answers to them... I can only say that - Michael Jackson was different - he was as if from another planet and one of us at the same time. He tried to be like us and ultimately failed - we did not allow it to happen. We made him escape some place so far away, and he finally reached the stars where his true place is.
Why I write this book, you may ask. Actually, I wanted to share something that bothered me for months, making me restless at night. I would like to reach you, through the power of thoughts - to reach as many people as possible, provoking them to reflect on their self, life, and the planet Earth. I would like them to think about the messages which Michael was constantly sending to us. People did not understand these messages and continue to misunderstand them. Till when? I don't want to sound like a pessimist but in my view, the answer is "forever" - until we destroy the world in which we live.
I don't want to write a typical biographical book, just following the life story of a famous person. Plenty of other books have done this job. Now, the moment is ripe for anyone who has decided to write about him, making money on his back again (probably not for the last time). The truth is that dozens of books focus on his life path, carrier, encounters with certain people, and rumors in the yellow press. I won't write about all that - I will reflect on how the ordinary man saw his life - how I see Michael Jackson, without ever touching to his personality and way of life. I don't know whether this type of reading will be of interest to the reader. However, I hope that they will find a different view of him, sharing at least a part of my thoughts and feelings.
I dedicate this book to my son B., the most precious person in my life, and to Michael if he could read this - from the stars above – and understand that he is still loved.
Questions, questions, questions....each person finds different answers to them... I can only say that - Michael Jackson was different - he was as if from another planet and one of us at the same time. He tried to be like us and ultimately failed - we did not allow it to happen. We made him escape some place so far away, and he finally reached the stars where his true place is.
Why I write this book, you may ask. Actually, I wanted to share something that bothered me for months, making me restless at night. I would like to reach you, through the power of thoughts - to reach as many people as possible, provoking them to reflect on their self, life, and the planet Earth. I would like them to think about the messages which Michael was constantly sending to us. People did not understand these messages and continue to misunderstand them. Till when? I don't want to sound like a pessimist but in my view, the answer is "forever" - until we destroy the world in which we live.
I don't want to write a typical biographical book, just following the life story of a famous person. Plenty of other books have done this job. Now, the moment is ripe for anyone who has decided to write about him, making money on his back again (probably not for the last time). The truth is that dozens of books focus on his life path, carrier, encounters with certain people, and rumors in the yellow press. I won't write about all that - I will reflect on how the ordinary man saw his life - how I see Michael Jackson, without ever touching to his personality and way of life. I don't know whether this type of reading will be of interest to the reader. However, I hope that they will find a different view of him, sharing at least a part of my thoughts and feelings.
I dedicate this book to my son B., the most precious person in my life, and to Michael if he could read this - from the stars above – and understand that he is still loved.
Chapter I
Fame and Michael Jackson
When I reach the stage, a miracle happens. The rhythm absorbs me, the lights make me dizzy.... and problems disappear. The accompanying rhythm throbs in the back, vibrates, and leads me...
....What really make me happy - what I really love - are art and singing for an audience. I don't really care about all these parade-like decorations. I love to engage my soul in something that is taken well and liked by the people.
Moon Walk, Michael Jackson
During the summer of 1958, a baby was born in one of the poorest residential neighbourhoods of a remote province in the United States of America. Probably, no one predicted his life to come... He was among the millions of Afro-American children in the States
And yet – he was successful. Is this the American dream – you start at the bottom and climb to the top? How does it happen – some people succeed while others fail to fulfil the dream? What is the right path to the top or may be, life events are a matter of pure luck? In my view except for luck, a considerable degree of talent and a large amount of effort should be involved. Most important, one needs patience, perseverance, and a firm belief in one's own abilities. This is the right formula and Michael mastered all of its components. Yet, what is the actual definition of a great man? Einstein wrote about one of Charley Chaplin's movies: “Your movie Gold Rush is easy to comprehend, regardless of the person's whereabouts. You will become a successful man.” Charley Chaplin responded “I admire you even more. Nobody on this planet understands your theory of relativity, but you've managed to become a great man”.
Michael Jackson also became a great man. He is the only person who knows the price of all this: how much he worked and what he missed. Unfortunately, we could only observe the result – which is perfect and lovely – but we can't see the efforts and the sweat invested into that. His father Joseph managed to pull his family out of the misery and destitution in which they lived. Joseph's attitude toward Michael made the future star unhappy; however, he always admitted that he was thankful for his father's contribution. The father was harsh and demanding, believing that he would succeed if his family and children turned out successful. So, he led them to the triumph.
Fame is a great thing! However, have you ever thought about its true essence? This is not a possession: something you can touch, see, or breathe in. You can only feel it. In practice, fame is perceived through the attitude of others toward oneself. Michael touched fame through his fans and the treatment of all people toward him. However, he was also scared: fame made early arrival and never left him. World-scale fame is haunting him even now: post mortem.
People do all sorts of things for a brief moment of fame – participate in reality shows, appear on TV, give interviews... even lie, steal, and kill. Fame entitles people to recognition and admiration on the part of one's fellows – you rise above the others.
This instinct may be found among animals as well. Differences in power, agility, and inventiveness divide animals into domineering and subordinate. Hierarchy fights among the members of animal groups take ritual forms, resulting in domineering positions within the herd, flock, or swarm. Standing atop, the winner gains the obedience and admiration of all other members.
Michael Jackson had it all. His fans were the most affectionate and most numerous, chasing him all over. They were around and after him at any spot of the world. They crowded the stadiums at concerts, hanged out under the balconies of his hotel rooms, ran after his cars, and waited for him at any place that he visited. Tickets for his forthcoming return to London were sold out in hours. Fans cried and wept after his death while rediscovering his art. A considerable part of them has forgotten about him since his disappearance from public. After his death, fans showed their love to him by paying tributes – they danced on the city squares, train stations, and commercial centres in America, Western and Eastern Europe, Asia, Africa, and Australia.
Michael loved his fans. He always told them that he loved them. Furthermore, Michael shared that if possible, he would meet each and everyone in person. He knew that his fans were the people who held his work in high esteem – they have helped him reach the place he aimed. Michael always spoke to fans, giving autographs and presents, hugging, and kissing them. He was close to people although many a time, he had well-founded reasons to be scared by his fans` love. The might of the crowd is formidable – emotions can even lead to death. However, fans are just people with their own life, problems, past, present, and future. Michael and his music were simply a part of people's existence: he helped them become better and resist in the face of hardship. Michael passed some of his love to them.
Here is the story of a fan that was able to touch to her dream:
“In 1992, I decided to see Michael's concert for the first time. The event, headed “Dangerous Tour”, took place in Istanbul. Though travelling alone, I found many friends and most important – a female friend who would play a huge role in my life ahead.
The day of the concert came, and all of us headed to the stadium. Four hours of pushing and jostling followed on the outside– naturally, we bought tickets for the grassy sector below, where places are scarce to none. Everyone fights for a place closer to the stage. After all the hassle, we were informed that the concert would be cancelled. You can imagine the amount of tears that we shed, especially after one simpleton lied that Michael was dead. Before we understood that he had a light form of cold…we shed countless tears… we went through the most tragic time of our life. Even newspapers posted photos of my female friend and me – just horrible….
In 1993, my friend A. and I headed to Istanbul for another concert. Then, I saw him for the first time. It was so unreal and incredible to watch him onstage with my own eyes. We were upfront, hungry and thirsty, spending the whole day surrounded by impossible crowds. Yet, none of us cared about all that. Screams and hysteria – the atmosphere was identical to the shows I saw on records. The crowd had squeezed us so much that we couldn't breathe, leaving us on the verge of passing out. So, we got to know that as well!
The History Tour came in 1996. A. and I went to three consecutive concerts. The first performance in Prague was also the very first time when I saw Michael, just a hand reach away, in front of his hotel. He approached the fans and started giving autographs. The hysteric screams you hear are impossible to explain. Everyone entered his own world, leaving his material body behind. That's how I felt it back then- the hassle around the event. The concert was simply great. We hanged out close to the stadium the night preceding the concert. He was rehearsing and we could hear him. We were trying to climb up the stadium wall in order to see him. One German TV station caught a close up of my climbing attempt. I have the video in Bulgaria – it is so dear to my heart.
We were hanging out in front of the hotel at all times. Michael (you know how he was) appeared on the window and threw various things. Below, we were ready to kill each other for a single piece – he was throwing pillows and photos. The moment he threw his shirt was scary, but I (crazy as I was) fought with teeth and nails for this precious item. Now, I keep a piece of his T-shirt back home. I could smell the rich perfume back then. So, I decided to store it in a plastic bag in order to preserve the scent. This effort was of no avail.
The next stop was Budapest – the greatest moment of my life was about to come. Many people may find this unreal – the happening is unreal even to me after such a long time. It is the truth, however. A. and I used a clever trick to book rooms at the hotel where Michael stayed (thanks to some cool dudes at another hotel). To make the long story short – we got two single rooms at his hotel Kempinski. We entered the elevator trembling and pretended that we had no clue of Michael's whereabouts. Imagine how we felt upon discovering that the singles were located on his floor. The room next to mine was adjacent to Michael's room. His bodyguards have crowded the area outside. Upon entering one of the rooms, we screamed - muffling the sound with pillows – and didn't know what to do with ourselves. Naturally, we decided to hang out at the floor area. We spotted a lounge and occupied it immediately. However, the bodyguards came at one point and asked if we could return to our rooms. We wanted to make a complaint, but the fear of being expelled kept us silent. In brief, these two days were hyper unreal. We didn't meet Michael while hanging out at the lounge. However, the room doors were equipped with spy peepholes: you can just guess the amount of hours I spent on spying. We saw him just once, quickly passing through the lobby and entering the elevator. Unfortunately, it was buzzing with people.
At the concert, we decided to skip three songs and rushed back to the hotel. We entered the lobby and started waiting. There was almost no one around but we were trembling already, as if anticipating success. Michael entered the hotel lobby, surrounded by his bodyguards. A. and I screamed twice: “Michael, could you please have a photo with us?” The bodyguards immediately decided to weed us out, but Michael nodded. Not seeing the sign, his suite continued to keep us away. Then, he said: “It's ok,” and we were quick to approach him. I told Michael that I loved him and watching him so closely, I managed to take a glimpse of the beautiful eyes which looked at me.
At one point, I felt his hand sliding over my body. He stretched his arm and pulled a phosphate stick from my pocket (the same that I carried on his concert). Looking at me, he said in his tender voice: “You have attended my concert”. I don't know how I've managed to respond: “Yes, Michael, the concert was great”. He thanked, we hugged each other, and took photos together. Now, I got completely carried away: A. and I were constantly repeating that we loved him. He didn't want to turn his back to us and bowing like Japanese, he walked backwards right to the elevator. I felt so much love for him, and I'm sure that he felt it, too.
We had so many things to say, but we simply blocked. I am glad that my mouth betrayed me as I had to speak in English. Girls, the sense is just as you've read in the books – I felt as if flying out and away from my body and watching atop. I don't know whether adrenalin did it for me, but I felt as if taking an opiate. Just indescribable! We felt the utmost happiness – A. and I jumped and hugged each other like little children. The people who saw us applauded, while a group of Japanese videotaped the whole encounter. When we made sense of the happening, it was too late – the Japanese were already gone. We headed for Bulgaria the same evening.
Two days later, A. and I headed to Romania, firmly decided to repeat the hotel happening. We couldn't book in, but we've managed to spot him passing through the lobby three times. We got to know his whole entourage: singers, coiffeurs, dancers, and his personal bodyguard Wayne. He managed to bring us personal autographs, written on Michael's photos. So many things happened....
As of 1997, I forgot to mention that we, a group of fans, headed to Ljubljana, Slovenia for a concert. We travelled for three days by train but at the end, we were dropped off at the Slovenian border: Michael had cancelled his concert again. We shed tears once more.
In 1998, I joined some friends of mine for his concert “MJ and Friends” in Munich. We were hanging out in front of his hotel, waiting for him to appear. The concert was of good quality, and many stars sang before him. I managed to get a place close to the stage upfront. Lovely memories abound: all fans camping in tents in front of the hotel and sleeping outside, getting to know fans from all over the world. At the window, Michael is the showman again....
The last time when I watched the second of his two concerts “30th Anniversary Special” was in 2001. The event took place in Madison Square Garden, New York on 10 September, 2001. This was the night before the twin towers collapsed. The concert brought such an indescribable happiness inside my soul. Maybe, I have my lucky star - I've managed to charm the security squad on the outside, and I was let in without a ticket. I've missed just ten minutes of Lisa Minnelli`s performance, not that much. Moreover, I took a seat that was worth $ 1600. A group of boys took pity of me, and I partied with them like crazy. As you know, many stars took part in the show: the atmosphere was rather unreal. I was close to the stage again. Michael was wonderful.”
I'm sharing the story as told by this girl: there is no interference in the details or the story line. One can immediately sense emotion, joy, and love. Michael possesses this unbelievable energy which attracts people toward him. His onstage bearing is unique – something that is characteristic of no other performer.
Fame did not change him. He was eccentric and different, without taking excessive pride. He had a lot of money – even as a child – but he continued working. He was generous to all people around him. On the other hand, he knew the value of money: always earned rather than taken for granted. Maybe for this reason, he knew how to dispose of them. I am inclined to think that Michael was following one maxim, retold in the words of Charlie Chaplin here. The excerpt comes from a letter to his daughter Geraldine:
“I have tasted hunger, and I know too well how living without a roof is! Even more, I have felt the humiliating pain of the buffoon-wanderer, whose breasts are filled with a raving ocean of pride. Coins, thrown as alms, had to drain it. Despite all, I am alive and little is spoken about the living.... At midnight when you leave the large salon, forget about your wealthy admirers. However, do not forget to ask your taxi driver how his wife is... If she is pregnant, or she has no money to buy her child a garment, put money into the driver's hand. I've requested that the bank pays you for these expenses. About the others – you have to send the correct numbers! From time to time, take the subway or the bus and have a look around. Watch the people! Say at least once a day: “I am one of them!” Yes! You are one of them, my girl. Even more! Before art gives you wings to fly in the vaults of heaven, it breaks your legs. And if you place yourself high above the audience – leave the stage immediately! Take the first taxi and go to the Parisian suburbia. I know them too well!... There, you will see many dancers just like you – even prettier and prouder than you. Nothing is left from the dazzling glitter of the spotlight at your theatre! The moon is their spotlight. Look, look at them well! They dance better than you, don't they? Admit it, my girl! Someone will always dance better than you! And remember – no one has ever been so rude in Charlie's family as to shout at a cabman or to mock the beggar, sitting near Seine...
I will die, but you will live... I don't want you to ever live in misery! Together with this letter, I am sending you a blank cheque. Write as much as you want on it. However when you spend two franks, don't forget to say that the third coin is not yours. This money belongs to the stranger who needs one frank. You can easily find this man. If you want to seek poor men, you will find them all over the place. I talk about money because I know the deceitful power of these devils... You know, I've spent a long time at the circus. I've always worried about the tightrope-dancers. However, I have to tell you a truth, my girl – in comparison to tightrope- dancers, walking on a flimsy rope, people fall more easily while standing on a firm ground. Maybe some evening, the glitter of the most expensive diamond will delude you. At this very night, the diamond will be your flimsy rope and falling down is guaranteed. Maybe some of these days, the handsome face of a prince will deceive you. Then, you will be an unskilled tightrope-dancer, and the inexperienced dancers always fall down. Do not sell your heart for gold and adornments. The largest diamond is the Sun. Luckily, the sun glitters out of each person's face!”
Words of Charlie Chaplin or words of Michael Jackson – they fit in well. Understandably, Charlie Chaplin was among Michael Jackson's most venerated personalities: he was Michael's idol. Years ago, he spoke many truths which are applicable to our realities. So much is said with such little words: always help people if you own more than them, don't take excessive pride as you may fall from the heights, and do not become money's slave. Michael believed in all that. He was too good for this world. Some even say – too naive. He was the purest person on the world and that's why, he was destroyed.
The yellow press – what makes people search bad traits in others? If they can't find any, the traits will be made up. The term “yellow press”, used in the meaning of press which is described as “poor quality”, “dishonest” and in search of cheap sensations, originates in the United States. Where to look for the distinguishing characteristics of the yellow press? Texts sound tempting. And correct.
I don't personally know anyone who can say something positive for the so called yellow press. On the other hand, I know plenty of people who regularly buy one or two titles coming from the genre. Why is that? Is there pleasure in reading about bad happenings in the lives of successful individuals? Maybe, you reassure yourself that while life is not perfect, neither is the life of those who seemingly have it all. Yes, his life contains dirt as well. Upon reading the evidence, your inner satisfaction grows, and your consciousness falls asleep. “Michael Jackson Tore the Anus of a 12 Years Old” – how is it possible to see such a heading? What kind of person came up with it and what is the newspaper that published the article? This heading is one of the thousands of similar titles. Free press does not embody yellow press, as some would think. However, journalists offer just what is demanded: bread and circuses. That's what people wanted centuries ago. And – they continue to look for the same. Yet if you repeat a lie 1000 times – it becomes a truth that cannot be denied in any way.
Michael Jackson came into all that. People stopped taking interest in his music and dances – his onstage performance – and wanted to know about his bed partners, appearance, habits` particularities, etc. And - if one finds it difficult to get trustworthy sources of information, the easiest thing he can do is to concoct facts or to exaggerate some rumour, transforming it into truth. Why not – if people believe and want that, and if they make money in this manner?
The yellow press is an important factor for tranquillity within the state. If the nation is bored, left without entertainment, the ordinary citizenry may give vent to its indignation. People may suddenly realize that they deserve more than what they are offered. What will we do then? And now – while we discuss the latest gaff of Britney Spears or the newest sweat heart of Brad Pitt – the danger of citizens` uprisings (and just demands for normal life) is virtually non-existent. We are content while the ruling class is twice as happier.
The truth is that all people pay for their fame. Even complete isolation from the world, as Michael Jackson's at his ranch Neverland, did not help him. Some people search for fame during their entire lives, but Michael got that in his childhood. Then, he fought and looked for escape routes during the rest of his life.
When I reach the stage, a miracle happens. The rhythm absorbs me, the lights make me dizzy.... and problems disappear. The accompanying rhythm throbs in the back, vibrates, and leads me...
....What really make me happy - what I really love - are art and singing for an audience. I don't really care about all these parade-like decorations. I love to engage my soul in something that is taken well and liked by the people.
Moon Walk, Michael Jackson
During the summer of 1958, a baby was born in one of the poorest residential neighbourhoods of a remote province in the United States of America. Probably, no one predicted his life to come... He was among the millions of Afro-American children in the States
And yet – he was successful. Is this the American dream – you start at the bottom and climb to the top? How does it happen – some people succeed while others fail to fulfil the dream? What is the right path to the top or may be, life events are a matter of pure luck? In my view except for luck, a considerable degree of talent and a large amount of effort should be involved. Most important, one needs patience, perseverance, and a firm belief in one's own abilities. This is the right formula and Michael mastered all of its components. Yet, what is the actual definition of a great man? Einstein wrote about one of Charley Chaplin's movies: “Your movie Gold Rush is easy to comprehend, regardless of the person's whereabouts. You will become a successful man.” Charley Chaplin responded “I admire you even more. Nobody on this planet understands your theory of relativity, but you've managed to become a great man”.
Michael Jackson also became a great man. He is the only person who knows the price of all this: how much he worked and what he missed. Unfortunately, we could only observe the result – which is perfect and lovely – but we can't see the efforts and the sweat invested into that. His father Joseph managed to pull his family out of the misery and destitution in which they lived. Joseph's attitude toward Michael made the future star unhappy; however, he always admitted that he was thankful for his father's contribution. The father was harsh and demanding, believing that he would succeed if his family and children turned out successful. So, he led them to the triumph.
Fame is a great thing! However, have you ever thought about its true essence? This is not a possession: something you can touch, see, or breathe in. You can only feel it. In practice, fame is perceived through the attitude of others toward oneself. Michael touched fame through his fans and the treatment of all people toward him. However, he was also scared: fame made early arrival and never left him. World-scale fame is haunting him even now: post mortem.
People do all sorts of things for a brief moment of fame – participate in reality shows, appear on TV, give interviews... even lie, steal, and kill. Fame entitles people to recognition and admiration on the part of one's fellows – you rise above the others.
This instinct may be found among animals as well. Differences in power, agility, and inventiveness divide animals into domineering and subordinate. Hierarchy fights among the members of animal groups take ritual forms, resulting in domineering positions within the herd, flock, or swarm. Standing atop, the winner gains the obedience and admiration of all other members.
Michael Jackson had it all. His fans were the most affectionate and most numerous, chasing him all over. They were around and after him at any spot of the world. They crowded the stadiums at concerts, hanged out under the balconies of his hotel rooms, ran after his cars, and waited for him at any place that he visited. Tickets for his forthcoming return to London were sold out in hours. Fans cried and wept after his death while rediscovering his art. A considerable part of them has forgotten about him since his disappearance from public. After his death, fans showed their love to him by paying tributes – they danced on the city squares, train stations, and commercial centres in America, Western and Eastern Europe, Asia, Africa, and Australia.
Michael loved his fans. He always told them that he loved them. Furthermore, Michael shared that if possible, he would meet each and everyone in person. He knew that his fans were the people who held his work in high esteem – they have helped him reach the place he aimed. Michael always spoke to fans, giving autographs and presents, hugging, and kissing them. He was close to people although many a time, he had well-founded reasons to be scared by his fans` love. The might of the crowd is formidable – emotions can even lead to death. However, fans are just people with their own life, problems, past, present, and future. Michael and his music were simply a part of people's existence: he helped them become better and resist in the face of hardship. Michael passed some of his love to them.
Here is the story of a fan that was able to touch to her dream:
“In 1992, I decided to see Michael's concert for the first time. The event, headed “Dangerous Tour”, took place in Istanbul. Though travelling alone, I found many friends and most important – a female friend who would play a huge role in my life ahead.
The day of the concert came, and all of us headed to the stadium. Four hours of pushing and jostling followed on the outside– naturally, we bought tickets for the grassy sector below, where places are scarce to none. Everyone fights for a place closer to the stage. After all the hassle, we were informed that the concert would be cancelled. You can imagine the amount of tears that we shed, especially after one simpleton lied that Michael was dead. Before we understood that he had a light form of cold…we shed countless tears… we went through the most tragic time of our life. Even newspapers posted photos of my female friend and me – just horrible….
In 1993, my friend A. and I headed to Istanbul for another concert. Then, I saw him for the first time. It was so unreal and incredible to watch him onstage with my own eyes. We were upfront, hungry and thirsty, spending the whole day surrounded by impossible crowds. Yet, none of us cared about all that. Screams and hysteria – the atmosphere was identical to the shows I saw on records. The crowd had squeezed us so much that we couldn't breathe, leaving us on the verge of passing out. So, we got to know that as well!
The History Tour came in 1996. A. and I went to three consecutive concerts. The first performance in Prague was also the very first time when I saw Michael, just a hand reach away, in front of his hotel. He approached the fans and started giving autographs. The hysteric screams you hear are impossible to explain. Everyone entered his own world, leaving his material body behind. That's how I felt it back then- the hassle around the event. The concert was simply great. We hanged out close to the stadium the night preceding the concert. He was rehearsing and we could hear him. We were trying to climb up the stadium wall in order to see him. One German TV station caught a close up of my climbing attempt. I have the video in Bulgaria – it is so dear to my heart.
We were hanging out in front of the hotel at all times. Michael (you know how he was) appeared on the window and threw various things. Below, we were ready to kill each other for a single piece – he was throwing pillows and photos. The moment he threw his shirt was scary, but I (crazy as I was) fought with teeth and nails for this precious item. Now, I keep a piece of his T-shirt back home. I could smell the rich perfume back then. So, I decided to store it in a plastic bag in order to preserve the scent. This effort was of no avail.
The next stop was Budapest – the greatest moment of my life was about to come. Many people may find this unreal – the happening is unreal even to me after such a long time. It is the truth, however. A. and I used a clever trick to book rooms at the hotel where Michael stayed (thanks to some cool dudes at another hotel). To make the long story short – we got two single rooms at his hotel Kempinski. We entered the elevator trembling and pretended that we had no clue of Michael's whereabouts. Imagine how we felt upon discovering that the singles were located on his floor. The room next to mine was adjacent to Michael's room. His bodyguards have crowded the area outside. Upon entering one of the rooms, we screamed - muffling the sound with pillows – and didn't know what to do with ourselves. Naturally, we decided to hang out at the floor area. We spotted a lounge and occupied it immediately. However, the bodyguards came at one point and asked if we could return to our rooms. We wanted to make a complaint, but the fear of being expelled kept us silent. In brief, these two days were hyper unreal. We didn't meet Michael while hanging out at the lounge. However, the room doors were equipped with spy peepholes: you can just guess the amount of hours I spent on spying. We saw him just once, quickly passing through the lobby and entering the elevator. Unfortunately, it was buzzing with people.
At the concert, we decided to skip three songs and rushed back to the hotel. We entered the lobby and started waiting. There was almost no one around but we were trembling already, as if anticipating success. Michael entered the hotel lobby, surrounded by his bodyguards. A. and I screamed twice: “Michael, could you please have a photo with us?” The bodyguards immediately decided to weed us out, but Michael nodded. Not seeing the sign, his suite continued to keep us away. Then, he said: “It's ok,” and we were quick to approach him. I told Michael that I loved him and watching him so closely, I managed to take a glimpse of the beautiful eyes which looked at me.
At one point, I felt his hand sliding over my body. He stretched his arm and pulled a phosphate stick from my pocket (the same that I carried on his concert). Looking at me, he said in his tender voice: “You have attended my concert”. I don't know how I've managed to respond: “Yes, Michael, the concert was great”. He thanked, we hugged each other, and took photos together. Now, I got completely carried away: A. and I were constantly repeating that we loved him. He didn't want to turn his back to us and bowing like Japanese, he walked backwards right to the elevator. I felt so much love for him, and I'm sure that he felt it, too.
We had so many things to say, but we simply blocked. I am glad that my mouth betrayed me as I had to speak in English. Girls, the sense is just as you've read in the books – I felt as if flying out and away from my body and watching atop. I don't know whether adrenalin did it for me, but I felt as if taking an opiate. Just indescribable! We felt the utmost happiness – A. and I jumped and hugged each other like little children. The people who saw us applauded, while a group of Japanese videotaped the whole encounter. When we made sense of the happening, it was too late – the Japanese were already gone. We headed for Bulgaria the same evening.
Two days later, A. and I headed to Romania, firmly decided to repeat the hotel happening. We couldn't book in, but we've managed to spot him passing through the lobby three times. We got to know his whole entourage: singers, coiffeurs, dancers, and his personal bodyguard Wayne. He managed to bring us personal autographs, written on Michael's photos. So many things happened....
As of 1997, I forgot to mention that we, a group of fans, headed to Ljubljana, Slovenia for a concert. We travelled for three days by train but at the end, we were dropped off at the Slovenian border: Michael had cancelled his concert again. We shed tears once more.
In 1998, I joined some friends of mine for his concert “MJ and Friends” in Munich. We were hanging out in front of his hotel, waiting for him to appear. The concert was of good quality, and many stars sang before him. I managed to get a place close to the stage upfront. Lovely memories abound: all fans camping in tents in front of the hotel and sleeping outside, getting to know fans from all over the world. At the window, Michael is the showman again....
The last time when I watched the second of his two concerts “30th Anniversary Special” was in 2001. The event took place in Madison Square Garden, New York on 10 September, 2001. This was the night before the twin towers collapsed. The concert brought such an indescribable happiness inside my soul. Maybe, I have my lucky star - I've managed to charm the security squad on the outside, and I was let in without a ticket. I've missed just ten minutes of Lisa Minnelli`s performance, not that much. Moreover, I took a seat that was worth $ 1600. A group of boys took pity of me, and I partied with them like crazy. As you know, many stars took part in the show: the atmosphere was rather unreal. I was close to the stage again. Michael was wonderful.”
I'm sharing the story as told by this girl: there is no interference in the details or the story line. One can immediately sense emotion, joy, and love. Michael possesses this unbelievable energy which attracts people toward him. His onstage bearing is unique – something that is characteristic of no other performer.
Fame did not change him. He was eccentric and different, without taking excessive pride. He had a lot of money – even as a child – but he continued working. He was generous to all people around him. On the other hand, he knew the value of money: always earned rather than taken for granted. Maybe for this reason, he knew how to dispose of them. I am inclined to think that Michael was following one maxim, retold in the words of Charlie Chaplin here. The excerpt comes from a letter to his daughter Geraldine:
“I have tasted hunger, and I know too well how living without a roof is! Even more, I have felt the humiliating pain of the buffoon-wanderer, whose breasts are filled with a raving ocean of pride. Coins, thrown as alms, had to drain it. Despite all, I am alive and little is spoken about the living.... At midnight when you leave the large salon, forget about your wealthy admirers. However, do not forget to ask your taxi driver how his wife is... If she is pregnant, or she has no money to buy her child a garment, put money into the driver's hand. I've requested that the bank pays you for these expenses. About the others – you have to send the correct numbers! From time to time, take the subway or the bus and have a look around. Watch the people! Say at least once a day: “I am one of them!” Yes! You are one of them, my girl. Even more! Before art gives you wings to fly in the vaults of heaven, it breaks your legs. And if you place yourself high above the audience – leave the stage immediately! Take the first taxi and go to the Parisian suburbia. I know them too well!... There, you will see many dancers just like you – even prettier and prouder than you. Nothing is left from the dazzling glitter of the spotlight at your theatre! The moon is their spotlight. Look, look at them well! They dance better than you, don't they? Admit it, my girl! Someone will always dance better than you! And remember – no one has ever been so rude in Charlie's family as to shout at a cabman or to mock the beggar, sitting near Seine...
I will die, but you will live... I don't want you to ever live in misery! Together with this letter, I am sending you a blank cheque. Write as much as you want on it. However when you spend two franks, don't forget to say that the third coin is not yours. This money belongs to the stranger who needs one frank. You can easily find this man. If you want to seek poor men, you will find them all over the place. I talk about money because I know the deceitful power of these devils... You know, I've spent a long time at the circus. I've always worried about the tightrope-dancers. However, I have to tell you a truth, my girl – in comparison to tightrope- dancers, walking on a flimsy rope, people fall more easily while standing on a firm ground. Maybe some evening, the glitter of the most expensive diamond will delude you. At this very night, the diamond will be your flimsy rope and falling down is guaranteed. Maybe some of these days, the handsome face of a prince will deceive you. Then, you will be an unskilled tightrope-dancer, and the inexperienced dancers always fall down. Do not sell your heart for gold and adornments. The largest diamond is the Sun. Luckily, the sun glitters out of each person's face!”
Words of Charlie Chaplin or words of Michael Jackson – they fit in well. Understandably, Charlie Chaplin was among Michael Jackson's most venerated personalities: he was Michael's idol. Years ago, he spoke many truths which are applicable to our realities. So much is said with such little words: always help people if you own more than them, don't take excessive pride as you may fall from the heights, and do not become money's slave. Michael believed in all that. He was too good for this world. Some even say – too naive. He was the purest person on the world and that's why, he was destroyed.
The yellow press – what makes people search bad traits in others? If they can't find any, the traits will be made up. The term “yellow press”, used in the meaning of press which is described as “poor quality”, “dishonest” and in search of cheap sensations, originates in the United States. Where to look for the distinguishing characteristics of the yellow press? Texts sound tempting. And correct.
I don't personally know anyone who can say something positive for the so called yellow press. On the other hand, I know plenty of people who regularly buy one or two titles coming from the genre. Why is that? Is there pleasure in reading about bad happenings in the lives of successful individuals? Maybe, you reassure yourself that while life is not perfect, neither is the life of those who seemingly have it all. Yes, his life contains dirt as well. Upon reading the evidence, your inner satisfaction grows, and your consciousness falls asleep. “Michael Jackson Tore the Anus of a 12 Years Old” – how is it possible to see such a heading? What kind of person came up with it and what is the newspaper that published the article? This heading is one of the thousands of similar titles. Free press does not embody yellow press, as some would think. However, journalists offer just what is demanded: bread and circuses. That's what people wanted centuries ago. And – they continue to look for the same. Yet if you repeat a lie 1000 times – it becomes a truth that cannot be denied in any way.
Michael Jackson came into all that. People stopped taking interest in his music and dances – his onstage performance – and wanted to know about his bed partners, appearance, habits` particularities, etc. And - if one finds it difficult to get trustworthy sources of information, the easiest thing he can do is to concoct facts or to exaggerate some rumour, transforming it into truth. Why not – if people believe and want that, and if they make money in this manner?
The yellow press is an important factor for tranquillity within the state. If the nation is bored, left without entertainment, the ordinary citizenry may give vent to its indignation. People may suddenly realize that they deserve more than what they are offered. What will we do then? And now – while we discuss the latest gaff of Britney Spears or the newest sweat heart of Brad Pitt – the danger of citizens` uprisings (and just demands for normal life) is virtually non-existent. We are content while the ruling class is twice as happier.
The truth is that all people pay for their fame. Even complete isolation from the world, as Michael Jackson's at his ranch Neverland, did not help him. Some people search for fame during their entire lives, but Michael got that in his childhood. Then, he fought and looked for escape routes during the rest of his life.
Chapter 2
Loneliness and Michael Jackson
I know that night is not the same as day time: things look different then. Night experiences become unexplainable at day light because they cease to exist. I know that night can be scary for the lonely, if they realize their loneliness.
Earnest Hemmingway, Farewell to Arms
Michael Jackson was a lonely person. He admitted it on multiple occasions during interviews. Loneliness is pain and quietness. Michael was the most widely loved, most closely surrounded by people, and the loneliest person at the same time.
It all started during his childhood. He comes from a large family of many brothers and sisters. The whole household is nestled in a tiny little house. What a contrast to the huge Neverland – land, extending over thousands of acres – and housing just him and his employees. Where does his loneliness come from? Probably, many factors play role: absence of real childhood, the huge talent gushing out of him, peoples` spite, or the fortune that he accumulated...
The absence of a normal life is one of the reasons. I cannot imagine the life of a hermit who is known by everybody. To be innocent while everyone blames you. To make a personal choice that is criticized by the whole world. This is a tragedy. Michael could lead a normal conversation with just a few people. Special treatment toward him was always there, out in the air. The treatment of the little child-star, the only black performer who broke all records with regard to the sale of musical albums. Michael did not have any friends – it was all about business around him. He dreams of going to school like all other children, playing games, playing the ball – but he can't – little Michael has to rehearse and appear onstage for the duration of the night. He has shared that sometimes, he would go out alone and camouflaged with a single goal in mind: to blend in, to watch the normal life, and to find friends. He didn't manage. Truly, he has friends who are stars just like him. Their closeness springs from the faith that they share.
People blamed him for being strange. However, what kind of person could you be, starting regular onstage performance at the age of 6? Since then, your life is an endless circle of rehearsals. You cannot go out on the street, without being followed by a crowd of photographers and yelling teenager girls. We don't speak of Rihanna who performed just 2 years. We are talking about the entire life of a person. Moreover, there is practically no one on the planet who can't recognize him.
Loneliness is a real and very deep state of a searching person with a sensitive soul. His soul was like that – sensitive, with a delicacy which stopped him from speaking about his personal life in front of strangers. This soul was searching – during all his life – something new and different to be offered to the world. Michael's perfectionism made his shows one of a kind. He was always full of ideas for new music, texts, dances, clips, and shows. Michael was an absolute innovator in everything he started.
When do we discover our loneliness? The answer is: when there is no one around telling us that we are not lonely. John Lennon said once: “At the end, you go home alone. You can't fill your bed with fans”. Yes, after concerts, Michael goes back alone to his hotel rooms. The stadium is still filled with crowds of fans, dreaming to touch him and to take part in his life. He is left alone with his pets, children, and employees who comprise his family. Well, yes, but you are almost there! Usually, people feel loneliest if they don't have partners. There is nothing more frightening than having no one to love. Michael was really alone – he couldn't find a partner to share the good and the bad. All people around him just came and left: no one remained faithful to him.
What was Lisa Marie Presley for Michael Jackson – we will never know. The rumours are quite diverse again: from camouflage to his real love. Maybe, they had a normal relationship like all other people. Facts are known only by Lisa: we will get them if she decides to open the box of secrets. Yet, their real or imagined togetherness disappeared pretty quickly. Michael and Lisa separated after an 18 months relationship.
What was Debbie Row, his second wife after Lisa, for Michael Jackson? My guess is a good friend and a woman who loved him: ready to make him feel better in any possible way - even by giving her children to him.
Michael provokes a strange motherly sense in all women who are trying to help, protect, and hug him... I don't really know what triggers this sense – whether his appearance: skinny, pale, looking through his big, brown, and warm eyes; his pure soul – the soul of a child who didn`t grow up; or his tender voice, faltering from embarrassment at moments… Yet, the child in him triggers this sense – you want to guard and protect him from the evil of this world. And you do it precisely as you nurture a small and helpless child.
That's how Debbie Raw was – she tried to protect him from the spite of the outside world. She gave him children to make him happy. And she succeeded – at least temporarily. I don't think that she can be blamed for selling or abandoning her children. She knew that her place was not next to Michael. On the other hand, the children's love would be the rescue boat for his lonely state.
It is a paradox that loneliness is the scourge of big cities. Statistics show that every second resident of a metropolis lives in a proud loneliness. Why are people so lonely, failing to share their feelings and thoughts with their friends and relatives? Something is making us isolate, though we are constantly surrounded by people.
Some time ago, Charlie Chaplin showed the contemporary world as a huge machine, encircling humans in the form of its little and insignificant screws. Baal Sulam compares us to cogwheels in a completely different sense. Who are we, after all? Are we machine parts, subject to wear and tear? Or may be proud and lonely creatures? Sill, we may be parts of the miraculous whole. In his remarkable movie Modern Times (1936), Chaplin describes the ill-fated adventures of a wonderer that blazes his trail in the harsh reality of the Great Depression. He finds a job spot as a conveyer worker at a huge plant, working in a prison-like environment. The insane work rate forces him to literally enter the opened jaws of the machine. We see the wonderer who is winding around the giant cogwheels, desperately trying to keep up with the work requirements.
Chaplin's Modern Times characterize his own time period. The master of tragicomedy is as if piercing the balloon of hopes with a pin, in the midst of a century of modernization. Chaplin is one of the first figures to ask as to where does progress lead: do we really become freer and happier persons with its help?
Michael tried to be different. He didn't want to take part in the huge machine: one of the many cogwheels that was told what to do. And he was truly different – onstage and in his real life. Like Charlie Chaplin, Michael Jackson was innovator. Not accidentally, he loved Chaplin's movies.
The movie of Chaplin does not give us a comforting answer. Reality does not do it either. Today, the proud and powerful USA, which wrote on its national flag “freedom and democracy”, magnificently descends and sinks in a state of crisis, reminding of a trans-ocean liner with leaky bottom. No one is holding hopes that the new technologies will solve all global problems. People don't believe in technology's power to secure personal freedom.
Our dreams of friendly robots were alive just a couple of years ago. They'll take care of all housekeeping while the owners play with the kids, lying in their comfy sofas. Odd enough, we are increasingly carried away in an endless chase of the fleeting moments of rest. Illusions fade, leaving us alone in the realities of our new century: luxurious trade centers and legal brainwashing through mass media. Yes, it is true – we all trust TV and newspaper information. You don't feel too comfortable, do you? Just stop at the nearby supermarket and buy yourself a wonderful present. You will resurface from your illegal gloominess! Maybe, you don't need the trinket at all, but you “have to” buy it – because we have a lot to sell. Obviously, we have turned into robots. In the century of know-how, we have lost the most essential technology: how to be a happy and free people. Michael tried to teach us how to be happy and free. That is why he was constantly surrounded by children. Because of their innocence, children don't know how to manipulate people.
The cabbalist Baal Susam writes the following: "Each individual in our society resembles a cogwheel, combined with other identical parts which form a unitary mechanism. A single cogwheel does not enjoy freedom but participates in the overall movement of all cogwheels, heading toward the programmed direction and completing the common task. The unprecedented egotism of the 20th century triggered an unparalleled competition between the cogwheels. Each of them tries to trick the others. People do not notice the links connecting the whole system. For this reason, they don't feel related to its structure. In the space of their limited worlds, they can't fit into the grand structure of cosmos. The place is left with solitary creatures that unyieldingly refuse to see anything which reminds them of their common movement toward the goal. Our freedom is constrained to falling down without a parachute. The earth is hidden in fog and we fly as if to somewhere. Actually, this is diving, rather than flying, and we have to escape immediately. If interaction is to take place, we have to give a new definition of the term “freedom” – this time, we have to take the needs of the whole (and this is what we are) into consideration. Real freedom – this is the freedom from the destructive power of egotism which scatters us in various directions. Sometimes, we feel that freedom is unlimited – you can do what you see fit, without taking into account anyone or anything. This is the way to becoming a slave to your own petty wishes. Real freedom lies in the discovery of the perfect and unitary cosmos where each detail serves the common good. In other words, the better the cohesion between the cogwheels is, the greater the personal freedom."
Michael believed in all this. He tried to recreate it in his personal art work. He was lonely precisely because he remained misunderstood. The egotism, emanating from the surrounding environment, was of large scale. Everyone around him tried to get rich at his expense, without taking interest in how Michael felt. Michael Jackson decided to remain a child in order to protect himself from the cruelty of the outside world. Pain was written on his face during the last 10 – 15 years of his life. Pain streamed from the depth of his eyes. His look was sad and his expression spoke: “Leave me alone. For some unexplainable reason, the whole world is against me; however, I don't have strength to fight anymore.” Too much dirt was poured over Michael, and he didn't manage to resurface. No one would manage with the task, if standing on his place.
Isolation was inevitable: simply an escape. Escape from people who did not understand him. Escape from the world and his moral values. No one notices the positive side of the person – we don't find it interesting – the dark side is what intrigues people.
Loneliness becomes the best friend of Michael Jackson. It’s a friend who can't betray him, unlike other people who were his supposed friends. The beloved children betrayed him: they filed a court case against him, preferring money over his friendship. Friends, employees, and even strangers used him as means for quick wealth. They filed against him, too. After his death, people who knew him gave public interviews one after another. If one has tons of money, it is difficult to understand the motifs of people around him: whether he is loved, liked, and wanted friend or everything is done with a special purpose in mind. Michael was deluded on multiple occasions because he trusted the truthfulness of the people around him. At one point, they showed their true faces. Life is difficult when you don't know whether someone won't try to stab you in the back; life is hard when you don't know whom to trust: today's friends may become your future enemies. You just cannot share the things that worry and excite you. Tomorrow, you may read in media: “Each ant can climb on the back of an elephant and suffocate it”. The ants were all over Michael, and he couldn't get rid of them until his death.
Michael Jackson remained alone in his views and ideas. According to psychology, one of the deepest human needs is the overcoming of separateness and isolation, together with the attainment of unity and belonging. The satisfaction of this need has a leading role in human development and happiness. Loneliness contradicts human nature, loneliness is hell! Michael lived his whole life in hell, being unable to gather strength and save himself. Was there someone to take him out? Obviously – the answer is no.
If the soul of Michael could speak, we would hear about its feelings throughout all these years. Here is what she might share with us: “Faces. Thousands of happy faces… somewhere – on the other side. I look at them, wanting to reach them, and I know that what I'm looking for is not there. I see smiles, hands reaching to hug me, lips ready to kiss me… and I cannot reciprocate. It's all farce, just a mask to hide my soul. I envy them! I envy them for their smiley faces and their pure hearts which are open to happiness. It's beautiful there!!! On the other side. At one moment, I want to be there, leaving everything behind, but I know that their happiness cannot make me happy. I know that my return is inevitable… Sometimes, I am so close, sensing a fraction of their happiness. I feel love and belong to them. It looks as if the mask, rooted deeply in my soul, is falling down. I am free as all other beings. I hide away. There in the empty cold space - so familiar and mystical at the same time. I am scared but safe. A strange force, emanating safety, attracts me when I want to escape. High fence is erected on all sides. I look up – nothing, just an empty black space. The walls gather at a single point – somewhere high up. There is no way out! I am standing at the center. Through the walls, I look at the people passing by.
Some of them stop and approach, stretching their hands through the fence, without reaching me. They do not understand that I can't get out of my cage. I see them depart, and I'm left alone again. Sometimes I feel terrible, knowing that these shackles separate me from everyone on the outside – from all beloved people…At other times, it's comfortable here – I'm locked… alone.
People don't understand that I cannot get out. Some of them don't even notice the cage. They leave embittered, thinking that I have repulsed them. Others fight and try to let me free. At the end, they understand that escape is impossible. Being embittered – they give up and leave. I don't want them to suffer!!!
Often times, I delude people that I`m hiding there, expecting exactly their appearance. In reality, no one knows the truth... This cage is protecting me. I feel such a loneliness and safety inside. I am afraid of people, and I don't want them touch me – to reach my soul. I was just like them once. I was there, on a marvellous green loan. I knew what happiness was. Yet as if for a moment, I turned my head and saw this place. I got scared and didn't look again. However, it started attracting me, penetrating gradually into my soul. I felt the power, as if whispering to follow its way. And then, I saw the shade which was slowly moving toward me... I remember the ominous smile: the last thing that I saw before merging with my body...”
Did really Michael feel this way? I hope not. Yet, these words are so strong, as if he pronounces them and fuses with their might. These words were chasing him during the last years of his life.
We are all alone. Loneliness is a part of life, and suppression won't eliminate this state. After all, we are alone, no matter who is around us! Man is born alone and departs from earth alone – no matter who has partnered him throughout his life. We are left with the hope that our life has made some sort of sense. Michael's life was like that – he left such a large part of himself that we will never forget him.
I know that night is not the same as day time: things look different then. Night experiences become unexplainable at day light because they cease to exist. I know that night can be scary for the lonely, if they realize their loneliness.
Earnest Hemmingway, Farewell to Arms
Michael Jackson was a lonely person. He admitted it on multiple occasions during interviews. Loneliness is pain and quietness. Michael was the most widely loved, most closely surrounded by people, and the loneliest person at the same time.
It all started during his childhood. He comes from a large family of many brothers and sisters. The whole household is nestled in a tiny little house. What a contrast to the huge Neverland – land, extending over thousands of acres – and housing just him and his employees. Where does his loneliness come from? Probably, many factors play role: absence of real childhood, the huge talent gushing out of him, peoples` spite, or the fortune that he accumulated...
The absence of a normal life is one of the reasons. I cannot imagine the life of a hermit who is known by everybody. To be innocent while everyone blames you. To make a personal choice that is criticized by the whole world. This is a tragedy. Michael could lead a normal conversation with just a few people. Special treatment toward him was always there, out in the air. The treatment of the little child-star, the only black performer who broke all records with regard to the sale of musical albums. Michael did not have any friends – it was all about business around him. He dreams of going to school like all other children, playing games, playing the ball – but he can't – little Michael has to rehearse and appear onstage for the duration of the night. He has shared that sometimes, he would go out alone and camouflaged with a single goal in mind: to blend in, to watch the normal life, and to find friends. He didn't manage. Truly, he has friends who are stars just like him. Their closeness springs from the faith that they share.
People blamed him for being strange. However, what kind of person could you be, starting regular onstage performance at the age of 6? Since then, your life is an endless circle of rehearsals. You cannot go out on the street, without being followed by a crowd of photographers and yelling teenager girls. We don't speak of Rihanna who performed just 2 years. We are talking about the entire life of a person. Moreover, there is practically no one on the planet who can't recognize him.
Loneliness is a real and very deep state of a searching person with a sensitive soul. His soul was like that – sensitive, with a delicacy which stopped him from speaking about his personal life in front of strangers. This soul was searching – during all his life – something new and different to be offered to the world. Michael's perfectionism made his shows one of a kind. He was always full of ideas for new music, texts, dances, clips, and shows. Michael was an absolute innovator in everything he started.
When do we discover our loneliness? The answer is: when there is no one around telling us that we are not lonely. John Lennon said once: “At the end, you go home alone. You can't fill your bed with fans”. Yes, after concerts, Michael goes back alone to his hotel rooms. The stadium is still filled with crowds of fans, dreaming to touch him and to take part in his life. He is left alone with his pets, children, and employees who comprise his family. Well, yes, but you are almost there! Usually, people feel loneliest if they don't have partners. There is nothing more frightening than having no one to love. Michael was really alone – he couldn't find a partner to share the good and the bad. All people around him just came and left: no one remained faithful to him.
What was Lisa Marie Presley for Michael Jackson – we will never know. The rumours are quite diverse again: from camouflage to his real love. Maybe, they had a normal relationship like all other people. Facts are known only by Lisa: we will get them if she decides to open the box of secrets. Yet, their real or imagined togetherness disappeared pretty quickly. Michael and Lisa separated after an 18 months relationship.
What was Debbie Row, his second wife after Lisa, for Michael Jackson? My guess is a good friend and a woman who loved him: ready to make him feel better in any possible way - even by giving her children to him.
Michael provokes a strange motherly sense in all women who are trying to help, protect, and hug him... I don't really know what triggers this sense – whether his appearance: skinny, pale, looking through his big, brown, and warm eyes; his pure soul – the soul of a child who didn`t grow up; or his tender voice, faltering from embarrassment at moments… Yet, the child in him triggers this sense – you want to guard and protect him from the evil of this world. And you do it precisely as you nurture a small and helpless child.
That's how Debbie Raw was – she tried to protect him from the spite of the outside world. She gave him children to make him happy. And she succeeded – at least temporarily. I don't think that she can be blamed for selling or abandoning her children. She knew that her place was not next to Michael. On the other hand, the children's love would be the rescue boat for his lonely state.
It is a paradox that loneliness is the scourge of big cities. Statistics show that every second resident of a metropolis lives in a proud loneliness. Why are people so lonely, failing to share their feelings and thoughts with their friends and relatives? Something is making us isolate, though we are constantly surrounded by people.
Some time ago, Charlie Chaplin showed the contemporary world as a huge machine, encircling humans in the form of its little and insignificant screws. Baal Sulam compares us to cogwheels in a completely different sense. Who are we, after all? Are we machine parts, subject to wear and tear? Or may be proud and lonely creatures? Sill, we may be parts of the miraculous whole. In his remarkable movie Modern Times (1936), Chaplin describes the ill-fated adventures of a wonderer that blazes his trail in the harsh reality of the Great Depression. He finds a job spot as a conveyer worker at a huge plant, working in a prison-like environment. The insane work rate forces him to literally enter the opened jaws of the machine. We see the wonderer who is winding around the giant cogwheels, desperately trying to keep up with the work requirements.
Chaplin's Modern Times characterize his own time period. The master of tragicomedy is as if piercing the balloon of hopes with a pin, in the midst of a century of modernization. Chaplin is one of the first figures to ask as to where does progress lead: do we really become freer and happier persons with its help?
Michael tried to be different. He didn't want to take part in the huge machine: one of the many cogwheels that was told what to do. And he was truly different – onstage and in his real life. Like Charlie Chaplin, Michael Jackson was innovator. Not accidentally, he loved Chaplin's movies.
The movie of Chaplin does not give us a comforting answer. Reality does not do it either. Today, the proud and powerful USA, which wrote on its national flag “freedom and democracy”, magnificently descends and sinks in a state of crisis, reminding of a trans-ocean liner with leaky bottom. No one is holding hopes that the new technologies will solve all global problems. People don't believe in technology's power to secure personal freedom.
Our dreams of friendly robots were alive just a couple of years ago. They'll take care of all housekeeping while the owners play with the kids, lying in their comfy sofas. Odd enough, we are increasingly carried away in an endless chase of the fleeting moments of rest. Illusions fade, leaving us alone in the realities of our new century: luxurious trade centers and legal brainwashing through mass media. Yes, it is true – we all trust TV and newspaper information. You don't feel too comfortable, do you? Just stop at the nearby supermarket and buy yourself a wonderful present. You will resurface from your illegal gloominess! Maybe, you don't need the trinket at all, but you “have to” buy it – because we have a lot to sell. Obviously, we have turned into robots. In the century of know-how, we have lost the most essential technology: how to be a happy and free people. Michael tried to teach us how to be happy and free. That is why he was constantly surrounded by children. Because of their innocence, children don't know how to manipulate people.
The cabbalist Baal Susam writes the following: "Each individual in our society resembles a cogwheel, combined with other identical parts which form a unitary mechanism. A single cogwheel does not enjoy freedom but participates in the overall movement of all cogwheels, heading toward the programmed direction and completing the common task. The unprecedented egotism of the 20th century triggered an unparalleled competition between the cogwheels. Each of them tries to trick the others. People do not notice the links connecting the whole system. For this reason, they don't feel related to its structure. In the space of their limited worlds, they can't fit into the grand structure of cosmos. The place is left with solitary creatures that unyieldingly refuse to see anything which reminds them of their common movement toward the goal. Our freedom is constrained to falling down without a parachute. The earth is hidden in fog and we fly as if to somewhere. Actually, this is diving, rather than flying, and we have to escape immediately. If interaction is to take place, we have to give a new definition of the term “freedom” – this time, we have to take the needs of the whole (and this is what we are) into consideration. Real freedom – this is the freedom from the destructive power of egotism which scatters us in various directions. Sometimes, we feel that freedom is unlimited – you can do what you see fit, without taking into account anyone or anything. This is the way to becoming a slave to your own petty wishes. Real freedom lies in the discovery of the perfect and unitary cosmos where each detail serves the common good. In other words, the better the cohesion between the cogwheels is, the greater the personal freedom."
Michael believed in all this. He tried to recreate it in his personal art work. He was lonely precisely because he remained misunderstood. The egotism, emanating from the surrounding environment, was of large scale. Everyone around him tried to get rich at his expense, without taking interest in how Michael felt. Michael Jackson decided to remain a child in order to protect himself from the cruelty of the outside world. Pain was written on his face during the last 10 – 15 years of his life. Pain streamed from the depth of his eyes. His look was sad and his expression spoke: “Leave me alone. For some unexplainable reason, the whole world is against me; however, I don't have strength to fight anymore.” Too much dirt was poured over Michael, and he didn't manage to resurface. No one would manage with the task, if standing on his place.
Isolation was inevitable: simply an escape. Escape from people who did not understand him. Escape from the world and his moral values. No one notices the positive side of the person – we don't find it interesting – the dark side is what intrigues people.
Loneliness becomes the best friend of Michael Jackson. It’s a friend who can't betray him, unlike other people who were his supposed friends. The beloved children betrayed him: they filed a court case against him, preferring money over his friendship. Friends, employees, and even strangers used him as means for quick wealth. They filed against him, too. After his death, people who knew him gave public interviews one after another. If one has tons of money, it is difficult to understand the motifs of people around him: whether he is loved, liked, and wanted friend or everything is done with a special purpose in mind. Michael was deluded on multiple occasions because he trusted the truthfulness of the people around him. At one point, they showed their true faces. Life is difficult when you don't know whether someone won't try to stab you in the back; life is hard when you don't know whom to trust: today's friends may become your future enemies. You just cannot share the things that worry and excite you. Tomorrow, you may read in media: “Each ant can climb on the back of an elephant and suffocate it”. The ants were all over Michael, and he couldn't get rid of them until his death.
Michael Jackson remained alone in his views and ideas. According to psychology, one of the deepest human needs is the overcoming of separateness and isolation, together with the attainment of unity and belonging. The satisfaction of this need has a leading role in human development and happiness. Loneliness contradicts human nature, loneliness is hell! Michael lived his whole life in hell, being unable to gather strength and save himself. Was there someone to take him out? Obviously – the answer is no.
If the soul of Michael could speak, we would hear about its feelings throughout all these years. Here is what she might share with us: “Faces. Thousands of happy faces… somewhere – on the other side. I look at them, wanting to reach them, and I know that what I'm looking for is not there. I see smiles, hands reaching to hug me, lips ready to kiss me… and I cannot reciprocate. It's all farce, just a mask to hide my soul. I envy them! I envy them for their smiley faces and their pure hearts which are open to happiness. It's beautiful there!!! On the other side. At one moment, I want to be there, leaving everything behind, but I know that their happiness cannot make me happy. I know that my return is inevitable… Sometimes, I am so close, sensing a fraction of their happiness. I feel love and belong to them. It looks as if the mask, rooted deeply in my soul, is falling down. I am free as all other beings. I hide away. There in the empty cold space - so familiar and mystical at the same time. I am scared but safe. A strange force, emanating safety, attracts me when I want to escape. High fence is erected on all sides. I look up – nothing, just an empty black space. The walls gather at a single point – somewhere high up. There is no way out! I am standing at the center. Through the walls, I look at the people passing by.
Some of them stop and approach, stretching their hands through the fence, without reaching me. They do not understand that I can't get out of my cage. I see them depart, and I'm left alone again. Sometimes I feel terrible, knowing that these shackles separate me from everyone on the outside – from all beloved people…At other times, it's comfortable here – I'm locked… alone.
People don't understand that I cannot get out. Some of them don't even notice the cage. They leave embittered, thinking that I have repulsed them. Others fight and try to let me free. At the end, they understand that escape is impossible. Being embittered – they give up and leave. I don't want them to suffer!!!
Often times, I delude people that I`m hiding there, expecting exactly their appearance. In reality, no one knows the truth... This cage is protecting me. I feel such a loneliness and safety inside. I am afraid of people, and I don't want them touch me – to reach my soul. I was just like them once. I was there, on a marvellous green loan. I knew what happiness was. Yet as if for a moment, I turned my head and saw this place. I got scared and didn't look again. However, it started attracting me, penetrating gradually into my soul. I felt the power, as if whispering to follow its way. And then, I saw the shade which was slowly moving toward me... I remember the ominous smile: the last thing that I saw before merging with my body...”
Did really Michael feel this way? I hope not. Yet, these words are so strong, as if he pronounces them and fuses with their might. These words were chasing him during the last years of his life.
We are all alone. Loneliness is a part of life, and suppression won't eliminate this state. After all, we are alone, no matter who is around us! Man is born alone and departs from earth alone – no matter who has partnered him throughout his life. We are left with the hope that our life has made some sort of sense. Michael's life was like that – he left such a large part of himself that we will never forget him.
Chapter 3
Art and Michael Jackson
Got To Be There, Ben, Music & Me, Forever, Michael, Off the Wall, One Day In Your Life, Thriller, Bad, Dangerous, HIStory: Past, Present and Future, Book 1, Blood on the Dance Floor: HIstory in the Mix , Invincible, Number Ones, The Ultimate Collection, The Essential ...... do I have to list more of Michael Jackson's music? His art work was huge and of top quality. He left material for generations ahead. Moreover, he was creating music all his life because art had made him feel alive.
Does a six years old youngster realize what he is doing? Michael shared that God had given him a talent that just gushed out. Singing and dancing were his strengths – he created art with ease throughout life.
I'm not sure if it's really necessary to stress on everything created by Michael: all the music, songs, dances, texts, movies, clips, unique tours, and shows. After all, art stood for his whole life. Michael wished that people took interest in this part of his life. On the other hand, so many books examine his professional path and if you want the details, I recommend you to read them. Although they are important, I won't focus on concrete facts.
Art and Michael! I sense some sort of unity between them: they are one entity. Art is a recreation of reality into artistic images. It is the ability to present certain information to the reader, using some form of aesthetic perception of the world. Michael showed his world to us though music. In his art, Michael recreated his feelings, thoughts, aspirations, desires, and view of life.
What is it like if you happen to be the most sold performer of all times: more than 800 million sold copies? The 1982 Album „Thriller” was sold in more than 118 million copies and received eight Grammy awards. No other album has reached such an impossible number of sold copies. The 50 concerts (which didn't take place on Wembley) have sold the record 750.000 tickets in less than four hours.
Michael was innovative in everything he did. The music created by him was unique and different from anything that came out before. His dances: he invented the moon step and so many other movements and dances. His dressing style – the white glove, black shoes, white pair of socks, black hat, black sunglasses, the facial mask he was wearing while going out... who dresses like that – no one! His clips or short movies – as he liked to call them – were remarkable presentations of his songs – the story line and the history told in them were something new for the music industry. His tours are grand shows which cannot be replicated by any other performer. Neverland – the land of dreams – is taken out from a children's book. His life – his whole life was art.
Michael said that he was unable control himself onstage – as if a spirit had power over him. In this way, Michael's art gushed out and touched people. If pop music is to be defined in a dictionary, we should see the term Thriller. The best album of all times was created by the Music God Michael Jackson.
Art has taken over the whole life of Michael Jackson. He was a passionate collector and connoisseur of world art. His home features multiple works of art: paintings, statues, ornaments, figurines, and all kinds of antique objects. The huge area of Neverland, sufficient to gather it all, was filled with beautiful and unique children's statues. When he visited new countries and cities, his favorite spots were the places where he could purchase works of art. Bashir`s movie depicts Michael buying art – we are left with a view of him wanting to possess all beautiful things that he sees. People need beauty, and beauty is art in itself.
Michael was a wonderful painter himself. Here is another talent that he had. Many of his pictures are distributed and visible over the internet. My guess is that they are already of interest to the collectors of this type of art.
“Life is short – art is immortal” - Hippocrates articulated a definite truth. The art left by Michael will follow the future generations the same way that we keep masterpieces, belonging to past generations.
Chapter 4
Heal the World and Michael Jackson
…this is a child who does not receive enough attention and love at home. That is why, he keeps multiple friendships which fill the chasm…
….loving, reciprocating….
empathy to the suffering of others, strong desire to love and to be loved….
tendency to attract attention with his appearance, way of talking, as well as the warmness that he emanates…
….makes friendships with real ease….
R. Sankaran The Soul of Remedies
…he is slim, tall, and distinguished by delicate features, hair, skin, and hands. As a child, this person was warm, open, loving, artistic, very sensitive, and having an ear for music…
….he is empathic and cannot live without being surrounded by friends… Warmness and love fly freely towards friends and even strangers.
….These are children whose life streams without effort and many reserves….
….He can become a nature preservationist, setting humane goals.
Geogrios Vitulkas Materia Medika
Michael donated throughout his life. He is among the people who cared about the surrounding world, wanting to make it a better place to live. He does his best to accomplish this goal through music – the texts of his songs – and his care for the people: he attended hospitals and offered financial assistance to thousands of seriously ill people… Heal the World is among his most popular songs, transformed into message for peace and charitable work. Songs such as We Are the World, Men in the Mirror, and Earth Song are emblematic masterpieces, dedicated to these causes. His texts carry messages and make us reflect on the global problems related to our existence. Michael is the only star which donated so much (he is even listed in Guinness). In 2002, the performer was listed in the Book of Guinness as the pop star who participated in the largest number of charity projects. These are the sums that we know of. Yet, he donated money to sick children on countless occasions and reporters were not present then….
Words are redundant. Facts will tell the truth, so I am citing his participation in various projects between 1979 and 2003. I will leave the conclusion as to what kind of man Michael was to you:
In January, 1979, Michael Jackson donates an unspecified number of books, including Peter Pan, to the children and adolescent book section of the Chicago Public Library. He popularizes a library program called Boogie to the Book Beat (bookie in the rhythm of the book).
In July 1981, he organizes concert in Atlanta, Georgia under the heading Triumph Tour. The charitable concert collects $ 100.000 at the Omni Auditorium, Atlanta, Georgia. The sum is donated to a foundation, aiming to fight the series of abductions and killings of children in Atlanta.
In January 1984, during a video session for a Pepsi advertisement, Michael Jackson is burnt by pyrotechnics, which is set ablaze by mistake. After the accident, Michael is taken to Brotman Medical Center in Culver City, California. Despite the burns of second and third degree on the back of his head (reaching a human palm in size), he visited a couple of other patients with wounds from burnings. Later on, he donated a hyperbarchamber (used in the treatment of patients with burns) in addition to a large donation of equipment for the Michael Jackson Burn Center.
In April, 1984, David Smithy, a 14 year old boy who is suffering from cyst fibrosis, is invited to the home of Michael. His last wish was to get introduced to Michael. David dies 7 weeks later.
In April, 1984, Michael donates 19 beds to a word at medical center Mount Senai in New York. As a part of the foundation for T.J.Martell, this center conducts research on leukemia and cancer.
In May 1984, Michael Jackson donates the right to use the song Beat It as a part of a nationwide campaign against drinking and driving. For this contribution, he receives an award for exceptional contribution by President Ronald Reagan.
In July 1984, Michael Jackson and his family organize a press conference in order to announce a change in the ticket distribution system for the tour Victory. In his speech, Michael says: “Last but not least… I would like you to know that when I agreed on this tour, I decided to donate all revenues from the concerts.” Three charity foundations are granted funds thanks to Michael's generous gesture: the United Negro College Fund establishes the fund for Scholarship Michael Jackson which until 1988, granted scholarships to 70 students at UNCF (United Negro College Fund) participating schools; the Camp Goodtimes for terminally ill children; and the foundation of T.J.Martell for research on leukemia and cancer.
In July, 1984 – The Jackson family entertains eight terminally ill children during his engagement at Jacksonville, Florida. The 14 year old Melinda Cooper, a kid with a short life ahead, writes a letter to the mayor, asking to meet Michael. Before the concert, he meets her behind the side-scenes. Later, 700 children in unprivileged position visit the show free of charge.
In July 1984, the Jacksons perform on Texas Stadium in Dallas and donate 1200 tickets to children in unprivileged position (worth $39.000).
In August 1984, after failed negotiations for an engagement in Gary, Indiana, the Jacksons transport 40 children from the home for orphans, foster-children, and abandoned children Telma Marshal, the home Hoosier Boys, and educational program Donzels Work (intended for high school students striving to get in college) to Detroit, Michigan for their participation there.
In December, 1984, Michael visits Medical Center Bortman, where he was treated for the pyrotechnics accident during the shoots for the Pepsi advertisement. He donates the whole sum of money received from Pepsi - $ 1.5 million dollars – to Michael Jackson Burn Center for Children.
On 28 January, 1985, Michael Jackson is one of the first artists to arrive at A&M Lion Share Studios for a historical record which gathers a dozen of distinguished national artists, hoping to reduce the hunger in Africa. This session, lasting for one entire night, gives birth to the greatest, in terms of scale, musical single in the history of the sound recording. We Are the World is distributed on videocassettes and as a book, with all revenues dedicated to the reduction of hunger. The record revenues of more than 60 million dollars poured in the budgets of hunger-ridden states. Michael does not just participate in the single as a performer. He co-authors the song, together with Lionel Richie, and produces the demo, distributed among the participant performers.
In March 1985, Michael Jackson visits a young girl paralyzed after a car accident in Miami, Florida. Later on, he sends her a record of the Victory concerts and a jacket from the tour.
In 1986, Michael establishes Michael Jackson Scholarship Fund UNCF. The $1.5 million fund is available mainly to art and media communication students, applying for colleges and universities, participating in UNCF.
In February 1986, 14 year Donna Ashlok, who underwent heart transplantation surgery, receives a call from Michael Jackson. He has heard that Donna is a big fan of his and invites her to his home after she recovers. The visit takes place on 8 March. Donna stays for dinner and watches movie together with Michael.
In October 198, a new series of plush animals is marketed, recreating the animals at Michael Jackson's zoo. Michael demands that 1 dollar per sale goes for charitable activities.
In September 1987, Michael backs a campaign against racism. He supports the efforts of NAACP in the fight against bias toward the Afro-American artists.
In September 1987, Michael Jackson donates $20.000 to the family of a young Japanese boy Yoshiaki who had been abducted and killed. Shots of Michael, who speaks about the accident, show his empathy to Yoshiaki and his family, clearly proving the deeply emotional side of the singer: “I am deeply saddened and truly sorry to hear about Yoshiaki. If I could, I would go to his parents to express my empathy and pay tribute to Yoshiaki. I would like to dedicate my tour in Japan to Yoshiaki. Yoshiaki, I know that you are somewhere there, watching. I hope that brutal and heartbreaking deeds like this will never repeat. I love you.” Then, Jackson continued with a performance of the song I Just Can't Stop Loving You.
In October, 1987 (at the end of his tour Bad), Michael donates some of his personal belongings to UNESCO for charitable purposes. His sunglasses, T-shirts, and training suit are among the donated items.
In November 1987, Michael Jackson donates 10.000 pounds to the foundation Children in Need Appeal in England.
Michael visits a children's hospital during his tour in Australia in November 1987.
The song “Man in the Mirror” enters the rank lists in 1988. The revenues from the sale of the record go to Camp Ronald McDonald for Good Times, intended for children with cancer.
As a second stop of his first US tour, Michael Jackson has a concert in Madison Square Garden in March 1988. The revenues from the first of three concerts are donated to United Negro College Fund. He writes a cheque for $ 600.000 to Christopher Edley, President of UNCF, and becomes one of the biggest donors of the fund. The New York magazines write: “What Michael does has gone far beyond pop concerts. To this moment, 97 people have made good use of Michael's generosity to the UNCF.”
In April 1988, the foundation Make a Wish receives free of charge tickets for three consecutive concerts in Atlanta, Georgia.
As of April 1988, it is announced that 4.000 tickets for Michael Jackson's concerts in England will be donated to ITV Telethon which will contribute 200.000 pounds to the large children's hospital Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital.
Michael visits children with cancer at Rome-based Bambini-Gesu Children's Hospital in May 1988. He gives autographs and sweat delights to the young patients. Furthermore, he promises a cheque of 100.000 pounds to the hospital.
In June 1988, an auction of music stars, (with foundation T.J. Martell as a beneficiary, researching on leukaemia, cancer, and AIDS) boosts that a brimmed black hat, signed by Michael Jackson, was the most profitable offer. Thе item is sold for $4.000.
On 16 July, 1988 before a concert on Wembley, Michael meets the Prince of Wales and his wife Princess Diana. He hands them a 150.000 pounds cheque for the Prince's Trust and a children's hospital in Ormond. In addition, he makes a donation to the fund Wishing Well, providing financial support for the construction of a new building to the London Children's Hospital. Michael pays visit to its patients.
He visits terminally ill children at the Great Ormond Street Hospital in July 1988. Michael stays longer in the ward for temporarily stabilized patients and tells fairy tales to the children.
On 29 August 1988, the date of his birthday, Michael has a concert for the charitable organization “Give for Life” in Leeds, England. The goal of the organization is child immunization. Michael offers a cheque for 65.000 pounds. The revenues from the concert go toward the immunization of 40.000 children.
In October 1988, Michael Jackson writes a cheque for $125.000 to Esther Edwards and Berry Gordy for the establishment and maintenance of Hitsville-based Motown Museum to Detroit, Michigan. He donates his black hat, white glove with sequins, and a costume from the Motown era of his art.
As of November 1988, he donates 100 tickets for the tour Bad (taking place in Atlanta, Georgia) to the Children's Wish Foundation. The tickets were intended for terminally ill children.
Michael visits 12 year old terminally ill David Rotemburg in December 1988. Five years earlier, David's father had burnt him badly in an act of revenge toward his ex wife.
In January 1989, the revenues from one show in Los Angeles are donated to Childhelp, USA – the largest charity organization, fighting violence against children. As a sign of gratitude, the organization establishes Michael Jackson International Institute for Research on Child Abuse in South California.
The tour Bad ends in January 1989. Michael donates tickets for each concert to children in unequal position, money to hospitals, orphanages, and charitable organizations. At the many stops before concerts, Michael meets behind curtains many sick children from the area. Seth Riggs, the voice trainer of Michael notes: “Children on stretchers came each night. They were so sick, hardly holding their heads standing. Michael would kneel to the stretchers, nearing his face to theirs, so that pictures could be taken to remind of the event...”
Michael visits Cleveland Elementary School in Stockton, California in February, 1989. A 25 year old man had opened gun fire at the children several weeks earlier. Five children were killed and thirty nine – injured.
In March 1989, Michael invites 200 children from the institute for children crafts St Vincent and the organization of Big Brothers Big Sisters to a performance of Circus Vargas in Santa Barbara. Then, he invites them to his ranch for a tour around his private zoo at Neverland.
In November 1989, the organization Make a Wish helps the 4 year old leukaemia patient Darien Paton to meet Michael. The singer invites him to a performance of Canadian acrobats.
The young Ryan Waite, who suffers from haemophilia, spends his vacation at Michael's ranch in 1989. Five years ago, Ryan has been infected with AIDS during a blood transfusion. After being expelled from his school in Kokomo, Ryan joins the fight for just treatment of AIDS victims.
In January 1990 with the assistance of Childhelp, Michael invites at his ranch 82 children: victims of violence and abandoned children. He organizes games, barbeque, and a home movie theatre.
In July 1990, he invites to Neverland 24 children who participate in the Los Angeles Project Dream Street, intended for children with life threatening diseases.
Michael invites to Neverland 130 children, taking part in the summer YMCA program in Los Angeles and Santa Barbara (August 1990).
In May 1991, Michael is invited to the charity event of Jane Goodall. He backs her support for over 30 years long research on chimpanzee's behaviour, taking place in Gomb, Nigeria.
Michael visits the Community Youth Sports and Art Foundation in Los Angeles in July 1991. The foundation supports families of gangs` members and helps individuals in overcoming drug dependency. Michael talks to the children and donates money and a large screen TV set.
In December 1991, the office of Michael, MJJ Production donates more than 200 turkeys for Thanksgiving to needy families from Los Angeles.
Michael travels more than 30.000 miles in Africa (February 1992). He visits hospitals, orphanages, schools, churches, and institutions for children with mental disorders.
On 3 February, 1992 at a press conference at the Radio City Music Hall, New York, Michael announces his plans for a new tour around the world. The tour aims to collect funds for his new foundation: Heal the World which will support McDonald's foundation Make a Wish and fight against AIDS and diabetes among adolescents.
Michael Jackson pays for the funeral of Ramon Sanchez, killed in the Los Angeles seditions, in May 1992.
In June 1992 at a press conference in London, Michael introduces his foundation Heal the World.
He donates a cheque for 40.000 Deutsche Marks to the Mayor of Munich Mr. Kronawitter in July 1992. The money goes for the assistance of needy people in the city.
In July 1992, Michael visits the children's hospital Sofia in Rotterdam and writes a cheque for 100.000 pounds.
Michael donates 821.477.296 Italian Liras to La Partita del Cuore in Rome (July 1992). In addition, he donates 120.000 Deutsche Marks to children's charitable organizations in Estonia and Latvia.
In July 1992 at a concert in Dublin, Ireland, Michael announces his decision to donate 400.000 pounds from the tour revenues toward diverse charitable projects.
Michael visits children's ward Queen Elizabeth Hospital in London (July 1992). To surprise the children, he brings Euro-Disney characters Mickey and Minnie Mouse at the hospital.
In July 1992 at his second concert on Wembley, Michael writes a 200.000 pounds cheque for Prince's Trust.
The 6 years old Nicolas Kilan has lost his vision during a life saving surgery for cancer removal. He meets Michael at the backstage in Leeds, England (August 1992).
In September 1992, Michael donates 1 million pesetas for charitable projects under the patronage of the Queen of Spain.
Thanks to a donation by Michael, the President of Romania Illiesku opens a new children's playground for 500 orphans (September 1992). Michael speaks about his foundation Heal the World.
In October 1992, Michael decides to broadcast a Bucharest concert around the world. His choice makes sense because the country is ill-famed for the large number of orphanages.
In November 1992 at the Kennedy Airport in New York, Michael observes the loading of 43 tons of medications, blankets, and winter clothes for Sarajevo. Foundation Heal the World, in cooperation with AmeriCares, secures a donation worth 2.1 million dollars. The items will be distributed under the supervision of the United Nations.
On a press conference at the American Embassy in Tokyo, the tour sponsor Pepsi gives to Michael a $100.000 cheque to the benefit of foundation Heal the World (December 1992).
During a UNCF fund raising campaign in December 1992, Michael declares: “The colleges and universities for Afro-American people educate some of the leaders of our times. These individuals hold leading positions in business, justice, science, technologies, and religion. I am proud that the Michael Jackson Scholarship program supports more than 200 young man and women in getting quality education.
In January 1993, Michael is among the stars that perform on the inauguration day of President Bill Clinton. Before singing “Gone Too Soon”, he focuses on the problems and the plight of the AIDS victims, mentioning his friend Ryan Waite.
On a press conference at the Century Plaza Hotel in Century City Los Angeles, Michael receives a $200.000 cheque from the National Football League and the Sponsors of the Super Coup. At the same event of January 1993, his foundation Heal the World receives another $500.000 cheque from foundation BEST (the formal establishment of Heal the world is announced on the same event).
In February 1993, together with SEGA, Michael participates in the distribution of more than $108.000 dollars for computer games, equipment of children's hospitals, homes and orphanages on the territory of England.
The establishment of the Foundation of Independent Film Company is announced in March 1993. The body will produce family-oriented movies. A portion of the revenues will go to foundation Heal the World.
In March 1993, Michael gives a 5 minute speech in front of 1200 teachers and politicians at a meeting, taking place in Century Plaza Hotel in Los Angeles.
During the Heal the World tour of April 1993, Michael visits the foundation Whatta Health, as well as two schools in Los Angeles.
In May 1993, former President Jimmy Carter and Michael, as a President of the initiative “Heal the Children/ Heal the World,” announce in Atlanta their immunization campaign Atlanta.
In June 1993, Michael announces a 1.5 million donation for the children, victims of the Los Angeles shootings.
One hundred children from club Challengers Boys and Girls visit Neverland in June 1993.
Michael promotes the new program DARE (challenge) in June 1993. Its goal is to inform children about the dangers of drug (medication) dependency.
He pays a visit to a Washington-based hospital in June 1993. Michael spends a couple of hours with the children and plays chess with some of them.
In 1993, together with Pepsi-Cola Thailand, Michael donates $40.000 to the charitable organization Princess Maha Chakri Sirindhorn, to provincial schools, and to the Fund for Development of Children and Youth, in support to the program for free lunch at the provincial schools in Thailand.
As of August 1993, Michael and Pepsi-Cola International donate new ambulances to Children's Independent Life Saving Center in Moscow and hospital De Ninos Dr.Ricardo Gutierrez in Buenos Aires, Argentina.
Michael donates $100.000 in October 1993 to the Children's Defence Fund, Children's Diabetes Foundation, Atlanta Project, and the Boys and Girls Clubs in Newark, New Jersey.
The singer visits a hospital in Santiago in October 1993.
In October 1993, Michael pays for the visit of 5000 children in unequal position to the Park Reino Ventura: the home of the whale Keiko (the Free Willie)
Michael is a guest of a kids` party in Hard Rock Cafe in Mexico City in November 1993.
In December 1993 together with Gorbachev Foundation, he donates 60.000 children's vaccines in Tbilisi, Georgia.
During the same month, foundation Heal the World – England supports the Operation Christmas Child and supplies toys, sweat treats, gifts, and food to the children in Former Yugoslavia.
Michael donates $500.000 to Elizabeth Taylor's AIDS Foundation in 1994.
In January 1994 (the weekend of Martin Luther King Junior's birthday), Michael organizes a party at his ranch Neverland, gathering more than 100 children in unequal position.
The television broadcasts “The Jackson Family Honors” in February 1994. The revenues from the show go to the charitable foundation Family Caring for Families.
In August 1994, Michael and his wife Lisa Marie visit two children's wards in Budapest and distribute toys to the sick children.
In 1995, Michael wants to free dolphins, caged in for years. In his view, formal regulations should establish their stay in zoos and parks.
The young Bela Farkas receives new liver in March 1995. Michael and Lisa Marie meet the 4 year old boy during their travel to Hungary in 1994. Michael does his best to help Bela, whose only chance is a transplantation of a new liver. Foundation Heal the World pays for the surgical procedure and all recovery-related expenses.
In May 1996, Michael Jackson sends a wreath of white roses, carnations, and lilies to the funeral of a British fan. Its heading reads: “Let your courage be inspiration for all of us. Your spirit enlightens us. With love, Michael Jackson.” 11year old Jamey Bowen had lost the battle against leukaemia. His favourite songs Farewell My Summer Love, Ben, and Never Can Say Goodbye are played at the funeral.
In June 1996, Michael donates the 4 time platinum album History in support of Dunblane appeal at Royal Oak Hotel, Sevenoaks, England.
In Soweto, South Africa, Michael offers a wraith to the children who were killed during the Apartheid (18 July, 1996).
In September 1996, the first sports festival Hope takes place, uniting orphans and underprivileged children. 3000 children and 600 volunteers participate while Michael is a special guest at the event.
Before a concert for 70.000 people, Michael visits a Romanian orphanage in Bucharest (September 1996). After distributing toys to the children, Michael says: “I wish the whole world was here to see this, instead of sending our fellow brothers to the fields of death. This is our future – the children. I love so much all of you...”
Michael visits the children's ward of a hospital in Prague (September 1996).
In October 1996, Michael visits a hospital for challenged children in Kaoshiung, Taiwan and donates 2.000 free tickets for his concert in the city.
As of October 1996, Michael donates the revenues from his concert in Tunis to the National Solidarity Fund: a charitable organization fighting against poverty.
Michael visits children's hospital and gives away presents to the children during his Amsterdam tour History (October 1996). A room at the hospital (for parents choosing to stay with their children) is named after Michael.
In November 1996, Michael donates 85 percent of his 5 to 6 million dollars revenue from the concert History in Bombay, India. The money goes to secure jobs for 270.000 young people in the state Maharashtra (Bombay is the capital city). Upon arriving from the city airport, Jackson asked the driver to stop in the crowded slums they were passing by. He spent twenty minutes with the children playing there.
Michael agrees that American Journal accompanies him for two weeks during his tour in November 1996. Les Trent does a phenomenal cover of his visit to the children's ward Starship in Oakland, New Zealand. Reporters follow him in each room while he is speaking and giving away presents, photos, or discs with autographs to the children. Trent asks how he feels at the sight of children's faces. “They touch my heart” – responds Michael. He is shown at the backstage, showing support for a 13 year old shy girl who is suffering from cancer. Michael welcomes her to the “shy persons` club”, holding her hands and caressing her curls. Then, he poses for a picture with her family and embarks on preparations for the upcoming performance. Michael is shown during his visit to an orphanage and a school for blind children in Bangkok, Thailand. He donates $100.000 to the orphanage, delivering presents and toys to the children of both institutions. The speaker of the orphanage says: “These children don't know him as a pop star. To them, he is just a kind man who has come to offer hope.”
In November 1996, Michael visits a children's hospital in Sidney. He travels to Australia for the Sony-organized official celebration of his sales (skyrocketing at 75 million dollars in Australia). At the hospital, Michael spends more than 2 hours talking to the children, signing autographs, and delivering presents to all children. Some sources reveal that he donated a part of the revenues from the nine Australian concerts to Smith Family Foundation: a charitable organization providing food to the needy.
In November 1996, Michael visits the Royal Children's Hospital in Melbourne, signing autographs and delivering presents.
As a part of his tour History in Manila, Michael visits a children's hospital (December 1996). He announces that part of the concert's revenues will go for the renovation of the hospital.
In January 1997, Michael gives up his revenues from the Bombay concert, donating $1.1 million to a local charitable organization, funding the education of children who live in poverty.
The British magazine OK! pays 1 million pounds for the photos of Michael's son Prince (April 1997). Michael donates the money to charitable projects.
In June 1997, Michael signs an autograph on the book Children in Need, auctioned by UNESCO.
Michael meets 5 years old cancer patient Aza Woods at Hilton, Las Vegas in September 1998. He takes the child to the attraction “Star Trek: The Experience,” spending all day with the boy. At the end of the day, Michael asks Aza to spend some time with him at Neverland.
In November 1998, Michael arrives in Harare, Zimbabwe as a participant in an American delegation, invited by the Minister of Defence. The delegates thank to the government of Zimbabwe for its efforts to maintain peace in the region.
As of July 1999, the Concerts of Michael Jackson and Friends in Korea and Germany gather $3.3 million for humanitarian bodies such as UNESCO, Nelson Mandela's Children Fund, and the International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent.
Michael gives to Nelson Mandela's Children Fund a cheque for 1.000.000 South African rand in September 1999.
During the Christmas celebration of the previous year, a fierce storm devastates the park Château du Versailles and destroys 10.000 trees. The approximate amount of money, necessary for the park restoration, is 20 million dollars. In January 2000, the French authorities testify that Michael Jackson is among the first celebrities that donate money to the cause.
The same month, Michael takes part in the UNCF-organized charitable “Evening of Stars” which collects 13.5 million of dollars.
In May 2000, Michael donates various objects to the 4th online auction in favour ofT.J.Martell foundation for research on leukaemia, cancer, and AIDS.
Michael paints a plate sold at an auction in October 2000. The money goes to Carriage in Nevada, conducting research on diabetes in childhood.
In October 2000, Michael and other members of the Jackson family support “Wave to the World” – official fund raising project for the 2000 Paralympic Games in Sidney, Australia.
In November 2000 at a formal dinner, President Bill Clinton, Michael Jackson, and the Queen of Jordan are honoured for their efforts to fight cancer, gathering four million dollars for New York-based foundation G&P, which finances research on leukaemia, lymphoma, and similar cancer diseases. Established by Denise Rich, the foundation commemorates his daughter who dies from leukaemia at the age of 27.
The newest initiative of foundation Heal the World starts in 2001 in cooperation with L’Chaim Society. The project envisages the establishment and coordination of international activities, helping parents dedicate their life to children for a second time, with all love and attention that a child deserves.
In March 2001, Michael donates his black hat, birthday telephone call, and the jacket he carried at the 2000 Music Awards in Monaco to an UNICEF-organized auction which benefits children. All revenues go to UNICEF`s efforts to prevent HIV transmission to babies from their mothers in Africa.
Michael donates books to the young people in Newark during the same month. The event assists the establishment of Michael Jackson International Book Club as a part of his new idea Heal the Children. The charitable project aims to popularize book reading at an early childhood age, encouraging parents to revive the old tradition of reading Good Night fairy tales.
In September 2002, Michael donates to flood victims in Germany16 unique objects with autographs, among which discs, videocassettes, and two cotton towels. These objects are sold at a charitable auction, earning 3.935 Euros.
Michael Jackson invites to Neverland more than 200 members of Team Vandenberg, who recently returned from overseas military missions, together with their families. This 2002 October event expresses Michael's gratitude to all military men who sacrifice their lives for the good of society.
In November 2002, Michael donates a plush bear with an autograph, dressed in his style, to a plush bear charitable auction, organized by Siegfrid and Roy. The auction revenues go to the Opportunity Village a non-governmental organization in Las Vegas (US), assisting challenged people and their families. Michael's bear earns 5.000 dollars for the cause.
In November 2002, Michael donates a jacket to the charitable event Bambi in Berlin, earning 16.000 dollars.
Michael participates in a fund raising event for the Democratic National Committee of Harlem-based Appolo Theatre in April 2002. In this way, he helps the gathering of almost 3 million dollars for voter registration.
At his invitation, family Wolf meets Michael in Berlin during his participation at the Bambi Awards of June 2003. The family has suffered seriously during the floods in Saxony. At the meeting, Michael invites them to Neverland. In June, the family spends three days at the estate, accompanied by Michael and his children.
Foundation Heal the World is established by Michael Jackson in 1992: a charitable organization in support of children and the environment. The body aims to secure medications for children around the world and to fight world hunger, narcotic and alcoholic dependencies, and violence against children. Heal the World works in cooperation with established local and national organizations in the preparation of medical specialist reports. Focus on existing infrastructural sites intends to secure needed services for children in underprivileged position.
Michael has supported 39 charitable organizations and established his own foundation Heal the World. He has given financial assistance to the victims of the hurricane Katrina and the terrorist attacks of 11 September, 2001. With the help of the song "We Are The World", Michael Jackson collects 60 million dollars for charity and specifically – for the assistance of the starving people in Ethiopia.
Truly, Michael never spoke much about his charitable projects and donations. Melissa Johnson, President of the foundation Heal the World shares several powerful truths.... On the question as to why the foundation never popularized its work and achievements, she responds: “We never did anything for the show. We were working because of our firm belief that the foundation is the real heart of Michael. Its support could really save millions of lives.” She speaks of media, too: “I and many other volunteers of the foundation worked without rest. We wanted to create and build the foundation's face in accord with Michael's vision of the world. We were constantly attacked by the uncontrollable and irresponsible media that were demonizing him without sticking to truthfulness and rightfulness in their statements. They didn`t want to show a single good deed of Michael Jackson. The foundation was not only invisible to the world, but we were scolded, mocked, and almost destroyed by the stigma of “children's charitable organization” founded by “child victimizer” who was defined as such by media, rather than the courts. Media propaganda at trials should be illegal but this is not the case – they are not held responsible by anyone – morally, spiritually, or in any other way. So, I'm not bound to stay responsive either! Corey Feldman said once that calling Michael child victimizer is the same as branding Santa Claus as a stealer!” Foundation World Awards, chaired by Mikhail Gorbachev, announced that Michael has finally received an award for his social and humanitarian efforts in Austria on 24 July, 2009 – post mortem.
The award “Heal the World” was received by Michael Jackson's brother Germaine at a gala in the nuclear electric power station Zwentendorf, which is constructed but not put into operation. To celebrate one of Michael Jackson's songs, the award was named “Heal the World”. “The aim of the award “Heal the World” is in accord with everything that Michael Jackson fought for: peace, tolerance, and the salvation of our delicate planet.” told foundation's Director Georg Kindel.
To me, Michael not just donated millions of dollars: he gave his heart and his time... Michael travelled thousands of miles a day and visited sick and abandoned children everywhere around the world. That's much more that the charity we are used to hear about and see. He gave love. And the most adorable part is that many times, while performing in some country, he just passed the revenues (in the range of 1 million dollars) to the state for its efforts to accommodate its sick and abandoned young members. He proceeded the same way with money from singles, clips, and advertisements. Unique, Unearthly.... Mega... Of course, many stars may want to stress on numbers, but I doubt that another celebrity has dedicated so much time and such a big part of his life and heart (probably except for Mother Teresa).
Chapter 5
Children and Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson is among the many people who had a hard childhood, reflecting on their whole life. His life went through the prism of the child inside him, something so lovely and scary: he was misunderstood by the people around him. It happened just because he was different than the commonly accepted. To me, Michael became a victim of his childhood or more precisely, the absence of such. When he grew up physically (and financially), he had the opportunity to make up for what he missed. Yet, people could not accept him – they were blaming him for beings strange and threw accusations for things they couldn't understand.
Childhood is considered to be a key moment in the development of a healthy individual: a major period of personality formation, the development of inferiority complexes, fears, views of life, behavioural models, etc. Each stage of childhood corresponds to the formation of a new psychological trait so that individuals can develop further in a healthy manner. This trait cannot grow by itself: parents and related adults should participate and direct the child in the right direction. Whether the persons are able to trust other people in their life, whether they are guilt-ridden, preventing them to show initiative in their life ahead, whether they develop healthy identity and self-evaluation, which helps them deal with life events and challenges – everything depends on the upbringing of the child since birth.
The childhood of Michael Jackson was far from normal but what it was, determined the rest of his life. Something was taken away from him - other grew on its place. The question is – did Michael deal with the consequences successfully afterwards? He was the only person who could answer, and we can only guess what the truth was. Yet, he was fighting the consequences – he wanted to give children everything that was absent from his early life. The love that he missed gushed out and he was constantly giving love. Unfortunately, he was misunderstood till the end of his life. That's what killed him.
Childhood is extremely important for every human being, and this radiant child – Michael was constantly ridiculed by the people who were expected to give love and whom he loved: brothers, sisters, and even strangers were mocking his appearance. This is the key to the explanation of Michael's soul who – through music and Neverland – wanted to offer everything he missed to the thousands of children. Look at the texts of his songs. Neverland and everything inside is related to games and children: he invites them for free while the maintenance probably costs millions of dollars per month. He compares himself to Peter Pan... In addition, he was bullied by his father – place yourself in his shoes – if you were bullied, would you like to forget and leave it behind or you will start bullying children?! The accusations against him are ridiculous. Nobody realized that such a good-hearted shiny person was incapable of committing all hideous acts that were attributed to him by thousands of envious people. No one tried to understand the complex and beautiful essence of a genius.
Better not blur the vision with celebrity dust. Jackson had a dark side without being all negative. His dark side included parties with children, hugging, and taking pictures with them. Because this is America and everyone wants to earn money – claims were filed by countless mothers and fathers. They were as if unaware where they sent their children for the night. One way or another, sexual connotations remain a dark spot – they were never proven or categorically refuted. This will always stay on the Jacko planet. Now, some people see only that in Jackson. Mrs von Ebner-Eshenbach made a statement, suiting our character well: “Some people are born to only peer and nibble. They see just the heel in Achilles” Many people see only the scandals and identify Jackson with them.
I am persistent in claiming that Michael was too pure and innocent. He saw the world in a different way – without masks and hypocrisy....He failed to grow up, avoiding dirt and commonplaceness. For this reason, he was hurt and suffered – he – a pure person who only wanted to give love and joy, got spite and envy in return.
I feel sad upon remembering what he went through. Some complex-ridden individuals did not put up with his success while people around him tried to derive personal benefits.
"I believe I’m one of the loneliest people in the world." – wrote Michael in his book Moonwalk. I feel pain while reading his words, wandering why good-hearted people should suffer so much for the spite of others. I can't stop thinking of his interview with Oprah when he told that his father was insulting and beating him. He cried and suffered after such events.
Then – there was a park close to the studio where he used to rehearse in his young years. He wanted to play with the children who were visible from a distance....
With regard to his children, I get angry about all speculations on whether he is their biological father. I don't see why this matters at all – he loved them and took care of them. I am certain that he was a wonderful father. Given his father's treatment, this elevates him even more in my mind. Michael felt the necessity of becoming the father he never had. He loved his children and spent considerable time with them. He did his best to make them feel happy. Unfortunately, he didn`t foresee that what he did (the medications), will end his life while they will still need him.
Michael Jackson is among the many people who had a hard childhood, reflecting on their whole life. His life went through the prism of the child inside him, something so lovely and scary: he was misunderstood by the people around him. It happened just because he was different than the commonly accepted. To me, Michael became a victim of his childhood or more precisely, the absence of such. When he grew up physically (and financially), he had the opportunity to make up for what he missed. Yet, people could not accept him – they were blaming him for beings strange and threw accusations for things they couldn't understand.
Childhood is considered to be a key moment in the development of a healthy individual: a major period of personality formation, the development of inferiority complexes, fears, views of life, behavioural models, etc. Each stage of childhood corresponds to the formation of a new psychological trait so that individuals can develop further in a healthy manner. This trait cannot grow by itself: parents and related adults should participate and direct the child in the right direction. Whether the persons are able to trust other people in their life, whether they are guilt-ridden, preventing them to show initiative in their life ahead, whether they develop healthy identity and self-evaluation, which helps them deal with life events and challenges – everything depends on the upbringing of the child since birth.
The childhood of Michael Jackson was far from normal but what it was, determined the rest of his life. Something was taken away from him - other grew on its place. The question is – did Michael deal with the consequences successfully afterwards? He was the only person who could answer, and we can only guess what the truth was. Yet, he was fighting the consequences – he wanted to give children everything that was absent from his early life. The love that he missed gushed out and he was constantly giving love. Unfortunately, he was misunderstood till the end of his life. That's what killed him.
Childhood is extremely important for every human being, and this radiant child – Michael was constantly ridiculed by the people who were expected to give love and whom he loved: brothers, sisters, and even strangers were mocking his appearance. This is the key to the explanation of Michael's soul who – through music and Neverland – wanted to offer everything he missed to the thousands of children. Look at the texts of his songs. Neverland and everything inside is related to games and children: he invites them for free while the maintenance probably costs millions of dollars per month. He compares himself to Peter Pan... In addition, he was bullied by his father – place yourself in his shoes – if you were bullied, would you like to forget and leave it behind or you will start bullying children?! The accusations against him are ridiculous. Nobody realized that such a good-hearted shiny person was incapable of committing all hideous acts that were attributed to him by thousands of envious people. No one tried to understand the complex and beautiful essence of a genius.
Better not blur the vision with celebrity dust. Jackson had a dark side without being all negative. His dark side included parties with children, hugging, and taking pictures with them. Because this is America and everyone wants to earn money – claims were filed by countless mothers and fathers. They were as if unaware where they sent their children for the night. One way or another, sexual connotations remain a dark spot – they were never proven or categorically refuted. This will always stay on the Jacko planet. Now, some people see only that in Jackson. Mrs von Ebner-Eshenbach made a statement, suiting our character well: “Some people are born to only peer and nibble. They see just the heel in Achilles” Many people see only the scandals and identify Jackson with them.
I am persistent in claiming that Michael was too pure and innocent. He saw the world in a different way – without masks and hypocrisy....He failed to grow up, avoiding dirt and commonplaceness. For this reason, he was hurt and suffered – he – a pure person who only wanted to give love and joy, got spite and envy in return.
I feel sad upon remembering what he went through. Some complex-ridden individuals did not put up with his success while people around him tried to derive personal benefits.
"I believe I’m one of the loneliest people in the world." – wrote Michael in his book Moonwalk. I feel pain while reading his words, wandering why good-hearted people should suffer so much for the spite of others. I can't stop thinking of his interview with Oprah when he told that his father was insulting and beating him. He cried and suffered after such events.
Then – there was a park close to the studio where he used to rehearse in his young years. He wanted to play with the children who were visible from a distance....
With regard to his children, I get angry about all speculations on whether he is their biological father. I don't see why this matters at all – he loved them and took care of them. I am certain that he was a wonderful father. Given his father's treatment, this elevates him even more in my mind. Michael felt the necessity of becoming the father he never had. He loved his children and spent considerable time with them. He did his best to make them feel happy. Unfortunately, he didn`t foresee that what he did (the medications), will end his life while they will still need him.
Chapter 6
Family and Michael Jackson
What is the family? The family has established itself as the most effective building unit of society throughout the ages. Family members help each other out of solidarity rather than in return of direct personal profit.
In principle, the family unit is built by two people and their offspring but often times, the family encompasses the parents of the couple and other close relatives. Many people consider that the tribal communal system is a remnant of antiquity, but they are at fault – the concept of family changes with the evolution of humans. Upbringing and development of people as individuals begins in the family: the foundation stones are laid here. In principle, children don't have to be pampered too much. Growing up should include increasing amount of duties, including physical labour. However, fear and superstition should not become a part of the growth process. Children need to learn the essence of things and their qualities in order to understand them. They have to learn about self-protection and danger assessment. Children should respect other people. Many people believe that their children are super gifted or underdeveloped and in both cases, they take excessive pains (exerting too much influence) in their child's upbringing. Such overdoing may turn into prerequisite for various unwanted physical and psychological deviations. Children should have a certain degree of freedom. Arguments should be avoided as much as possible when children are present. They should be thought order and cleanliness. Even small children need to partake in family decisions when important family questions are considered. In this manner, they are brought in the family deeds and become more responsible. It is important that children have their thoughts free. They don't have to agree with you all the time. Interaction with peers is important. Parents should not overdo in their cultivation attempts. Exposure to nature is desirable. Children should learn to preserve nature. Nothing should be done in excess, there has to be a balance!
Michael Jackson comes from a large family – he has many brothers and sisters, relatives, and cousins – you should find love and strong family connections. Yet, was this the case? In my view, the Jackson family is dysfunctional: perfect and united in front of people at all times, but with no real family and its functions at hand. For instance, Kathrine doesn't live with Joe for a long time, and what do they have... a paper marriage. He has a daughter from an extramarital affair! It's more than certain that some of the brothers have envied and detested Michael and Janet for many years. They wanted to become famous but failed due to their absent talent... Watching the success of their brother and sister... especially their brother Michael (when both people are of the same sex, one starts the “why I wasn't like him” refrain) – well that's what happens.
Such families exist. These things are quite “normal”, otherwise no one would sing about love, harmony, understanding, and so on. We, common people also face the spite of relatives while discussing, say, inherited property. Why do we pretend that these things happen only to them? It makes more sense when the stars experience such difficulties. After all, some of them freak out by the look of a green lizard. I think that this family disintegrated a long time ago. Maybe Michael is at fault for their alienation, due to his eccentricity, while envy played a role (as mentioned above), etc. But in their essence, they are strange from the very beginning: the early carrier, the tenacity of the father, the strange “disagreement” of the mother with their late night performance, replacing bed and school, her interference in his private life as a grown man. It has been hinted that in his early years, Michael witnessed or fell a victim (I hope not) of sexual assault, committed by one of his brothers. I won't elaborate on this hypothesis, but some think that this event has become the reason for his “particularities” and state of spirits. Joe Jackson subjected him to physical and emotional punishments. Celebrity status did not stop him from harassing them...he was their manager and found it acceptable. Joe called Michael ugly, pimpled, wide nosed, excessively dark, etc. He implanted so many inferiority complexes into his son's head... why do you think he initiated the series of surgical transformations?
Naturally, we are filled with indignation toward the family given that everyone expected different attitude – not what they did with the memory of him. This behaviour is more cruel and worse than the loathsome accusations because they were made by strangers. Here, we are talking about a true mockery by a brother and a father. So, let us not idealize the family. His mother loved him, of course, but the facts show that her love was passive, even when he was alive. She was interfering unnecessarily and due to this fact, he listened to no one.
I don't want to be so merciless as to say it, but I feel that Germane, especially, is glad about the course of events. When could he receive so much attention from media and fans... the answer is - never. Now, everyone is courting him: he works on countless projects and starts to make big money. What can I add! I saw an aggrieved brother briefly in the beginning, and I'm sure that the emotions could be attributed to the fear of the whole family that attention to them will fade away. Now, when Michael is gone, they were more concerned and suffering about their own egos. They couldn't imagine that the world will accept the course of events with so much love. Then, they started reaping the laurels and got relaxed – they saw a gold mine opening up. Everyone being composed – nonsense is to follow.
Such a large family – if they have defended him, together with his fans – and there are millions of us – could sweep the whole greedy mob that destroyed him. At the memorial, his brother Randy said that Michael was a tower of strength for the whole family. They – thickset and hefty and he – delicate, sensitive and despite that, the strongest of all – Michael had a hard time taking care of 10 people for so such a long time. Moreover, they didn`t even make an effort to help him properly (that's what I think even if I blame them incorrectly). How does it come that the people who are now shedding tears and arguing on his proper burial site left him at the hands of sly and greedy people? In my view, Michael was even more naive than the children. People with pure hearts like him always turn into victims. Sadly, there was no person on this world who could give him strength to face his problems. Even more, I sense that everyone was interested in deriving benefits, so – they made him even more addicted, as to manipulate him one hundred percent.
What is the family? The family has established itself as the most effective building unit of society throughout the ages. Family members help each other out of solidarity rather than in return of direct personal profit.
In principle, the family unit is built by two people and their offspring but often times, the family encompasses the parents of the couple and other close relatives. Many people consider that the tribal communal system is a remnant of antiquity, but they are at fault – the concept of family changes with the evolution of humans. Upbringing and development of people as individuals begins in the family: the foundation stones are laid here. In principle, children don't have to be pampered too much. Growing up should include increasing amount of duties, including physical labour. However, fear and superstition should not become a part of the growth process. Children need to learn the essence of things and their qualities in order to understand them. They have to learn about self-protection and danger assessment. Children should respect other people. Many people believe that their children are super gifted or underdeveloped and in both cases, they take excessive pains (exerting too much influence) in their child's upbringing. Such overdoing may turn into prerequisite for various unwanted physical and psychological deviations. Children should have a certain degree of freedom. Arguments should be avoided as much as possible when children are present. They should be thought order and cleanliness. Even small children need to partake in family decisions when important family questions are considered. In this manner, they are brought in the family deeds and become more responsible. It is important that children have their thoughts free. They don't have to agree with you all the time. Interaction with peers is important. Parents should not overdo in their cultivation attempts. Exposure to nature is desirable. Children should learn to preserve nature. Nothing should be done in excess, there has to be a balance!
Michael Jackson comes from a large family – he has many brothers and sisters, relatives, and cousins – you should find love and strong family connections. Yet, was this the case? In my view, the Jackson family is dysfunctional: perfect and united in front of people at all times, but with no real family and its functions at hand. For instance, Kathrine doesn't live with Joe for a long time, and what do they have... a paper marriage. He has a daughter from an extramarital affair! It's more than certain that some of the brothers have envied and detested Michael and Janet for many years. They wanted to become famous but failed due to their absent talent... Watching the success of their brother and sister... especially their brother Michael (when both people are of the same sex, one starts the “why I wasn't like him” refrain) – well that's what happens.
Such families exist. These things are quite “normal”, otherwise no one would sing about love, harmony, understanding, and so on. We, common people also face the spite of relatives while discussing, say, inherited property. Why do we pretend that these things happen only to them? It makes more sense when the stars experience such difficulties. After all, some of them freak out by the look of a green lizard. I think that this family disintegrated a long time ago. Maybe Michael is at fault for their alienation, due to his eccentricity, while envy played a role (as mentioned above), etc. But in their essence, they are strange from the very beginning: the early carrier, the tenacity of the father, the strange “disagreement” of the mother with their late night performance, replacing bed and school, her interference in his private life as a grown man. It has been hinted that in his early years, Michael witnessed or fell a victim (I hope not) of sexual assault, committed by one of his brothers. I won't elaborate on this hypothesis, but some think that this event has become the reason for his “particularities” and state of spirits. Joe Jackson subjected him to physical and emotional punishments. Celebrity status did not stop him from harassing them...he was their manager and found it acceptable. Joe called Michael ugly, pimpled, wide nosed, excessively dark, etc. He implanted so many inferiority complexes into his son's head... why do you think he initiated the series of surgical transformations?
Naturally, we are filled with indignation toward the family given that everyone expected different attitude – not what they did with the memory of him. This behaviour is more cruel and worse than the loathsome accusations because they were made by strangers. Here, we are talking about a true mockery by a brother and a father. So, let us not idealize the family. His mother loved him, of course, but the facts show that her love was passive, even when he was alive. She was interfering unnecessarily and due to this fact, he listened to no one.
I don't want to be so merciless as to say it, but I feel that Germane, especially, is glad about the course of events. When could he receive so much attention from media and fans... the answer is - never. Now, everyone is courting him: he works on countless projects and starts to make big money. What can I add! I saw an aggrieved brother briefly in the beginning, and I'm sure that the emotions could be attributed to the fear of the whole family that attention to them will fade away. Now, when Michael is gone, they were more concerned and suffering about their own egos. They couldn't imagine that the world will accept the course of events with so much love. Then, they started reaping the laurels and got relaxed – they saw a gold mine opening up. Everyone being composed – nonsense is to follow.
Such a large family – if they have defended him, together with his fans – and there are millions of us – could sweep the whole greedy mob that destroyed him. At the memorial, his brother Randy said that Michael was a tower of strength for the whole family. They – thickset and hefty and he – delicate, sensitive and despite that, the strongest of all – Michael had a hard time taking care of 10 people for so such a long time. Moreover, they didn`t even make an effort to help him properly (that's what I think even if I blame them incorrectly). How does it come that the people who are now shedding tears and arguing on his proper burial site left him at the hands of sly and greedy people? In my view, Michael was even more naive than the children. People with pure hearts like him always turn into victims. Sadly, there was no person on this world who could give him strength to face his problems. Even more, I sense that everyone was interested in deriving benefits, so – they made him even more addicted, as to manipulate him one hundred percent.
Chapter 7
Death and Michael Jackson
“Each death has its own reason”
Each time when a beloved person passes away, pain fills our hearts... Our hearts tell us that people are meant for life not for death. Intuitively, we feel that our mission is to reflect life more and more fully. When this doesn't happen and a person passes away, we are left bewildered – asking why this happens. To understand the meaning of death – we have to grasp the purpose of life. Watching life, we see that everything, existing on this world, undergoes constant transformation. All things change, and nothing disappears. Why are we afraid of death? The reason is that unknown scares us. We don't know, in any detail, what is to be found on the other side – in the non-existence. Yet each day of our life is adventure, a step to the unknown, doesn't it? We don't know any particularities of what will be found on the other side. But we can be ascertained that life would be there. Life is present here as well as there – in the non-existence. Death is neither good, nor bad. Life's finish is not an end but a new beginning.
Words, words, words....
It's all clear. At least to me. What a pity. A wonderful man – victim of the show business – is gone. Again. And we thought that Michael cannot be entangled with drugs. What was the price paid by him? How much did he hurt? – physically as well as mentally. It is cruel.
So many young and talented people had left us like that.... And now is Michael's turn. These talents could give more to the world. This may sound egotistically, but I know it's true. And I say it because he loved to make art. We loved him for that and for being handsome, sexy, good-hearted, sensitive, noble, strange, a tornado that takes us away and breaks us down for life.
There is a theory that other people or a religion stand behind Michael and determine his development throughout the years. And it is obvious – the change was visible: clothing, appearance, psychological state. We learn that during the last years, he was quite unstable and too suspicious...
As a whole – the influence exerted over him started during the years when he conquered the world with his music. Dressing style (tight shirts and pants), movements with sexual elements, satanic symbols... all that is a suggestion, everything is symbolism. We talk about a victim of sexual exploitation. Your behaviour is controlled in full, and you cannot realize that everything is imported from the outside – your thoughts and wishes do not belong to you. However at one point, Michael realized what happened, starting to withdraw – the attack followed. Michael was very brave, one of the few brave people who talked about these puppeteers. His fans did not make sense of what he was talking about. His death was a logical finish of an enlightened soul that had a special place on the tribune: he could tell the truth, reaching other people... The media makes us assume that things are quite simple but unfortunately, they are not. Nobody wants to believe that international organizations are just hypocritical- caring about what you eat, drink, and breathe little to none. You don't want to know that people and little babies are killed in Iraq because someone wants to be rich. That's all Michael wanted to say, though not as openly. He knew it all along. Remember his movie – he fought against the person trying to tempt children with drugs. This is the world business - paying the bills of the world's elite. The fight against narco-cartels is just hypocrisy. It occurs that a considerable part of them are former military men, generals, and so on. There is nothing better than a drug intoxicated mankind ready to hear that this is the reality. Moreover, they are happy man. Do you imagine all people looking like Courtney Love, Britney Spears, or Madonna? The people who withdraw finish like Michael.
They know that he was loved by many people. So, they will take advantage of him, even if this means to remove the stigma from his name. They will take advantage of the big cult, surrounding Michael, especially after his death.
I find it both, strange and very sad that whenever the name Michael Jackson is mentioned, the first thing that the media and people discuss is his nose, encroachment on children, monster appearance (this is not true!!!) or skin whitening. Why do we have to focus on terrible stories?! I read the texts of his songs at the moment, and I cannot imagine why people do this?! Is there another singer with such lively texts?! Each text contains words such as "bright days" "light" "happiness" and other positive things. Why was there no one to show his good side when he was alive?!?!?! WHY?! Despite all, he preserved his good heart and the smile on his face. I am hurting so much for a person I don't know!
Why does no one criticize Madonna when she appears at concerts as Jesus Christ, nailed to a cross?! Why don't they publicize facts about 50 cent and his empire, built on drugs?! Why?! At the moment, snapshots from Michael's concerts pass through my head – he is smiling, playing with children at the hospital. How is it possible that the whole world ridiculed such a talent, such a good-hearted man....
He was destroyed by Bashir and all sorts of blood suckers who sued him. He was devastated by all people who claimed that he whitened his skin, slept in barchamber, intended to buy the bones of the elephant-man, and was gay; he was destroyed by policemen who locked him in a smelly toilet for an hour... Michael was too sensitive to take all that. His addiction to medications does not surprise me at all. Music and fans are most important in his life. He lived to make his fans happy and to send a message to the world – we should become better persons. Then, the accusations started – everyone spited on him, and this blow was too excessive for his delicate soul. They tried to make him appear as a freak and a monster, fornicating with innocent children. I think that a part of him died back then. He was dejected but no one could take his talent and good heart away. He reached out for something that will vaporize the nightmare, even for a couple of hours. For him, it was an everyday hell, to live like that....
About addiction to medications – my view is that dependency cannot be controlled. You start with the lowest doze and gradually increase, thinking that you control the situation. The same is valid for drug and nicotine dependency, I may say. However, I hold the opinion, shared in two of the topics – that all people view Michael as a money making machine. Probably, his own mother had to interfere – after all, she was among his closest people. I've read that she had made attempts to help through the babysitter. Yet, it was too late. Michael felt alienated from all people and fired her a bit afterwards. What he needed was psychological help, although it is hard to impose such a decision to a sick person. His soul suffered and the soul is difficult to heal. We know what brought dependency into the picture. But I will repeat – his family is not to blame for not helping. It is extremely hard to talk to a person in such a condition. See, you may say, his sister made an attempt and he refused any kind of contact. Such people are voluntarily self-isolated. Everyone who tries to stop them will turn into an enemy.
We can ask ourselves – was Michael aware what he did to himself, taking all these medications? It is my personal view that he was aware.... totally clear about it. He took them, wanted them, and got addicted: this was a personal choice. This doesn't turn him into a weak person or a drug addict in my eyes. He was the only person who knew what he felt. If you think about it, many celebrities look for an escape in medications. Some manage to overcome the addiction, but others fail. It's really sad but whatever happened to Michael during the last night – he was aware of the possible complications. It would have happened sooner or later...sad, unjust, unacceptable, painful for all of us, but a fact. Whether this doctor or another – it doesn't really matter. The problem is that no one helped. Or – maybe, someone tried after all? We can't figure out the real situation. The loss is huge... for his children, family, for us, for the children in need, and the world as a whole. After all, he gave so much to everyone and wanted just a peace of mind. He looked for calmness through medications and probably found rest in death. I feel anger, sadness, and hopelessness. There is hardly a person who thinks that Michael didn`t know what he was doing to himself. He was too intelligent to not suspect where medications would take him. I think that he surrendered to everything around him. You ask many questions about life at 50. I am certain, and I will continue to believe that Michael spent his best years in a wonderful way.... helping thousands of people through his talent and big heart.
He started taking painkillers after the surgeries, treating the terrible burnings, and the stress from the slops at the trials. Moreover, visits of many sick children are emotionally exhausting for the heart and the body – this has reflected on a physically delicate, sensitive, and empathetic person. When we add the absence of childhood and a normal for a child sleep, we will see why he suffered from insomnia and slept 3 hour per day. This amount of sleep is far from the normal sleeping hours of a person. That's why poor Michael resorted to painkillers and sleeping pills. Other celebrities take drugs because of whims: they have tried it all and go for alcohol or drugs. As of him, I am thousand percent convinced that he would never resort to drugs if many people didn`t “help” him. Have you heard of him abusing alcohol and doing stupid things because of boredom as other stars? I haven't because he didn`t do it. I feel sad. It is inhumane to bear such a pressure: visits to so many children, burnt people... dying people – the pictures you see exhaust the psyche. In addition – you have so many engagements and concerts while the media is accusing you... and much more...
Obviously, you will get exhausted and dispirited by the nature of humans. I don't know whether we will understand what happened to Michael. How much can a person bear, especially a sensitive and empathic person like him?
Now, they can't reach him.
P.P. Each resemblance to real physical persons is accidental. This text is a figment of mind and the author does not bear responsibility for any caused moral or real damages.
“Each death has its own reason”
Each time when a beloved person passes away, pain fills our hearts... Our hearts tell us that people are meant for life not for death. Intuitively, we feel that our mission is to reflect life more and more fully. When this doesn't happen and a person passes away, we are left bewildered – asking why this happens. To understand the meaning of death – we have to grasp the purpose of life. Watching life, we see that everything, existing on this world, undergoes constant transformation. All things change, and nothing disappears. Why are we afraid of death? The reason is that unknown scares us. We don't know, in any detail, what is to be found on the other side – in the non-existence. Yet each day of our life is adventure, a step to the unknown, doesn't it? We don't know any particularities of what will be found on the other side. But we can be ascertained that life would be there. Life is present here as well as there – in the non-existence. Death is neither good, nor bad. Life's finish is not an end but a new beginning.
Words, words, words....
It's all clear. At least to me. What a pity. A wonderful man – victim of the show business – is gone. Again. And we thought that Michael cannot be entangled with drugs. What was the price paid by him? How much did he hurt? – physically as well as mentally. It is cruel.
So many young and talented people had left us like that.... And now is Michael's turn. These talents could give more to the world. This may sound egotistically, but I know it's true. And I say it because he loved to make art. We loved him for that and for being handsome, sexy, good-hearted, sensitive, noble, strange, a tornado that takes us away and breaks us down for life.
There is a theory that other people or a religion stand behind Michael and determine his development throughout the years. And it is obvious – the change was visible: clothing, appearance, psychological state. We learn that during the last years, he was quite unstable and too suspicious...
As a whole – the influence exerted over him started during the years when he conquered the world with his music. Dressing style (tight shirts and pants), movements with sexual elements, satanic symbols... all that is a suggestion, everything is symbolism. We talk about a victim of sexual exploitation. Your behaviour is controlled in full, and you cannot realize that everything is imported from the outside – your thoughts and wishes do not belong to you. However at one point, Michael realized what happened, starting to withdraw – the attack followed. Michael was very brave, one of the few brave people who talked about these puppeteers. His fans did not make sense of what he was talking about. His death was a logical finish of an enlightened soul that had a special place on the tribune: he could tell the truth, reaching other people... The media makes us assume that things are quite simple but unfortunately, they are not. Nobody wants to believe that international organizations are just hypocritical- caring about what you eat, drink, and breathe little to none. You don't want to know that people and little babies are killed in Iraq because someone wants to be rich. That's all Michael wanted to say, though not as openly. He knew it all along. Remember his movie – he fought against the person trying to tempt children with drugs. This is the world business - paying the bills of the world's elite. The fight against narco-cartels is just hypocrisy. It occurs that a considerable part of them are former military men, generals, and so on. There is nothing better than a drug intoxicated mankind ready to hear that this is the reality. Moreover, they are happy man. Do you imagine all people looking like Courtney Love, Britney Spears, or Madonna? The people who withdraw finish like Michael.
They know that he was loved by many people. So, they will take advantage of him, even if this means to remove the stigma from his name. They will take advantage of the big cult, surrounding Michael, especially after his death.
I find it both, strange and very sad that whenever the name Michael Jackson is mentioned, the first thing that the media and people discuss is his nose, encroachment on children, monster appearance (this is not true!!!) or skin whitening. Why do we have to focus on terrible stories?! I read the texts of his songs at the moment, and I cannot imagine why people do this?! Is there another singer with such lively texts?! Each text contains words such as "bright days" "light" "happiness" and other positive things. Why was there no one to show his good side when he was alive?!?!?! WHY?! Despite all, he preserved his good heart and the smile on his face. I am hurting so much for a person I don't know!
Why does no one criticize Madonna when she appears at concerts as Jesus Christ, nailed to a cross?! Why don't they publicize facts about 50 cent and his empire, built on drugs?! Why?! At the moment, snapshots from Michael's concerts pass through my head – he is smiling, playing with children at the hospital. How is it possible that the whole world ridiculed such a talent, such a good-hearted man....
He was destroyed by Bashir and all sorts of blood suckers who sued him. He was devastated by all people who claimed that he whitened his skin, slept in barchamber, intended to buy the bones of the elephant-man, and was gay; he was destroyed by policemen who locked him in a smelly toilet for an hour... Michael was too sensitive to take all that. His addiction to medications does not surprise me at all. Music and fans are most important in his life. He lived to make his fans happy and to send a message to the world – we should become better persons. Then, the accusations started – everyone spited on him, and this blow was too excessive for his delicate soul. They tried to make him appear as a freak and a monster, fornicating with innocent children. I think that a part of him died back then. He was dejected but no one could take his talent and good heart away. He reached out for something that will vaporize the nightmare, even for a couple of hours. For him, it was an everyday hell, to live like that....
About addiction to medications – my view is that dependency cannot be controlled. You start with the lowest doze and gradually increase, thinking that you control the situation. The same is valid for drug and nicotine dependency, I may say. However, I hold the opinion, shared in two of the topics – that all people view Michael as a money making machine. Probably, his own mother had to interfere – after all, she was among his closest people. I've read that she had made attempts to help through the babysitter. Yet, it was too late. Michael felt alienated from all people and fired her a bit afterwards. What he needed was psychological help, although it is hard to impose such a decision to a sick person. His soul suffered and the soul is difficult to heal. We know what brought dependency into the picture. But I will repeat – his family is not to blame for not helping. It is extremely hard to talk to a person in such a condition. See, you may say, his sister made an attempt and he refused any kind of contact. Such people are voluntarily self-isolated. Everyone who tries to stop them will turn into an enemy.
We can ask ourselves – was Michael aware what he did to himself, taking all these medications? It is my personal view that he was aware.... totally clear about it. He took them, wanted them, and got addicted: this was a personal choice. This doesn't turn him into a weak person or a drug addict in my eyes. He was the only person who knew what he felt. If you think about it, many celebrities look for an escape in medications. Some manage to overcome the addiction, but others fail. It's really sad but whatever happened to Michael during the last night – he was aware of the possible complications. It would have happened sooner or later...sad, unjust, unacceptable, painful for all of us, but a fact. Whether this doctor or another – it doesn't really matter. The problem is that no one helped. Or – maybe, someone tried after all? We can't figure out the real situation. The loss is huge... for his children, family, for us, for the children in need, and the world as a whole. After all, he gave so much to everyone and wanted just a peace of mind. He looked for calmness through medications and probably found rest in death. I feel anger, sadness, and hopelessness. There is hardly a person who thinks that Michael didn`t know what he was doing to himself. He was too intelligent to not suspect where medications would take him. I think that he surrendered to everything around him. You ask many questions about life at 50. I am certain, and I will continue to believe that Michael spent his best years in a wonderful way.... helping thousands of people through his talent and big heart.
He started taking painkillers after the surgeries, treating the terrible burnings, and the stress from the slops at the trials. Moreover, visits of many sick children are emotionally exhausting for the heart and the body – this has reflected on a physically delicate, sensitive, and empathetic person. When we add the absence of childhood and a normal for a child sleep, we will see why he suffered from insomnia and slept 3 hour per day. This amount of sleep is far from the normal sleeping hours of a person. That's why poor Michael resorted to painkillers and sleeping pills. Other celebrities take drugs because of whims: they have tried it all and go for alcohol or drugs. As of him, I am thousand percent convinced that he would never resort to drugs if many people didn`t “help” him. Have you heard of him abusing alcohol and doing stupid things because of boredom as other stars? I haven't because he didn`t do it. I feel sad. It is inhumane to bear such a pressure: visits to so many children, burnt people... dying people – the pictures you see exhaust the psyche. In addition – you have so many engagements and concerts while the media is accusing you... and much more...
Obviously, you will get exhausted and dispirited by the nature of humans. I don't know whether we will understand what happened to Michael. How much can a person bear, especially a sensitive and empathic person like him?
Now, they can't reach him.
P.P. Each resemblance to real physical persons is accidental. This text is a figment of mind and the author does not bear responsibility for any caused moral or real damages.
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